Why cookies? Work must have made some company with stock in a a cookie company very happy. We have cookies in the break room, a seemingly never ending supply of cookies. Just when it looks like they are almost gone, another email goes out from the same person saying that MORE cookies are in the break room. Right now with the stock that is in there I am fairly certain I could put back all of the weight I have lost in one afternoon. If that is not enough the common thing to do is to bring in treats from holidays that you did not eat. So the break room has cookies, and all sorts of chocolates, candies, and assorted treats. Fat me would have been very happy.
I am finishing up the Rules to eating "normal" book. The last chapter is on body issues which I thought I didn't have any problems with. But the more I read the chapter the more I am seeing I just didn't realize how much I was hiding from my body issues. I have lower confidence because of being overweight that took me a LONG time to overcome and is honestly something I have to actively work at. It made me a shy person who was afraid to be made fun of, which I still also have to work at to overcome. I think all things considered I do fine in public and I think most people would never even know this was an issue with me. I hide my shyness well, and my lack of self confidence... but these are real issues for me. In some ways I really over compensate because of these issues. I know that losing weight will help me with the body issues, but at the end of the day I need to find a way to be comfortable in my body regardless of what I think it looks like.
I was suppose to exercise tonight. I decided that I was too tired to do it. I have to find the balance between pushing my self to exercise, and pushing too hard and burning out. That is really why I allow myself to decide that the exercise would be too much sometimes. I try not to let it keep me in bed in the morning as a general rule, but if the day was long I feel fine saying I am too tired to exercise this night. It is not an excuse every night but for tonight I am ok with it. Tomorrow night I hit the pool to swim laps. This will be the first time I have swam laps in a few years. I know Wednesday morning I am going to wake up sore, but that is how it goes the first time. Swimming is going to be Tuesday and Thursday night activities for me (unless some one wants to purchase a health club membership for me heh). I hope I find the same joy in swimming as I used to find. I know I can do it, I just hope I can enjoy it.
-Jon
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