Sunday, March 31, 2013

Easter (day 45)

Key Stats: No BG checks (meter at work), 4 shakes 1 bar 1 cup chicken broth and one sugar free jello jiggler egg (5 cal, no carbs), 30 min on the bike in the morning, 30 min on the elliptical in the evening.

Well I ate off, though really it is food allowed in the program, but none the less it is not just the shakes bars and broth that makes up the core of the program. I am fine with it though and do not feel like I cheated at all.

I also had a great moment because of that egg. It was later in the day when I was listening to my son not take his nap like he was suppose to. I said to myself that I could have another egg since it was so few calories and it fit in the program ok. Then the book I was reading last week chimed and and said to me "Are you hungry" "Why do you want to eat this egg" And you know I looked inside myself from the "normal" eating rules and rated my hunger from 1-10 (1 not hungry at all, 10 SUPER hungry). My hunger at that point was around a 2 so I was not hungry. But then the I answered the why of eating that egg. The answer I came up with was that it was easter, and I had been doing so well on the program, and that I just deserved to have an egg. Again going back to the "normal" eating book I was ready to answer myself on that. Of course I deserved the egg. If I use deserving as a reason to eat I will never not eat. I am a good person, I work hard, I help others, I deserve food. Hell everyone deserves food when they want it. So you just can't use deserve as a reason. So then was I craving an egg, sure I was... but I had to be honest it was even the flavor of egg I really liked. It was peach jello and I don't really like peach jello. So in the end I won out and turned the egg down. This whole thing took place in my mind in just a few seconds but it was great training for when I am on the modified program, or back to eating normal food all of the time. I need situations like this, and I am proud of myself for getting through it. Today proved even more that I can do this.


Saturday, March 30, 2013

Where did this come from (day 44)

Key Stats: No BG checks (left meter at work), 4 shakes 1 bar, no off eating. 30 minutes on elliptical and 10 minutes on the bike in the morning, and 30 minutes on the bike in the evening.

Well for the first time that I can remember I had the urge to over eat. I have not felt that tug in a long time. I don't know how else to explain the feeling, it really is just a tug. I wanted to make extra shakes, or have an extra bar, or eat more chicken broth. It is the same feeling I used to get when I would eat a ton of food. I wasn't hungry, I just wanted to eat more. Hence the title of the blog, where did this come from?

Here is what it is not. I am not under stress. I was not craving a particular food. I was not hungry. I was not feeling down. I was not tired. I wasn't happy. It happened as I was putting the groceries away. Maybe just looking at all that food and walking around the grocery store triggered my brain to think it was time to eat. I certainly would have given in and eaten in the past. But I didn't. I almost did.

I almost eat cheese I was getting ready for my son and wife for dinner. I almost ate a blob of peanut butter. I almost ate a piece of pizza as I was putting left over pizza away. I almost licked my fingers clean after making food.

I have considered my self a strong person going through this diet. But make no mistakes I am not a strong person when it comes to food. I have worried in the past that my strength would not get me through this and that I would fall off and fall off hard. Today was the closest to that I have come since I started to going off plan. Today was the hard pull I have had to deal with my whole life. Most times I didn't care about the pull and just enjoyed food, but I can't do that moving forward. So I am glad I had to face this, and I am glad I did what I needed to do. If I can face what I had to face today and come out of it being able to be proud of myself I have to believe, and I have to know that I can do this.


Friday, March 29, 2013

Another 8 (day 43)

Key Stats: All BG's normal, 4 shakes 1 bar, no off eating. No formal exercise

Ok so the key stats part of this is not entirely true, the day is not over yet so I have not had the 4th shake and I still could eat off. But I will have my shake and I will no eat off, so I know it will be true.

Today I went to class again, I have affectionately starting calling it fat camp class. It is easier for other to understand that than to call it VLCD class or what ever the formal name of it is. People just understand fat camp. I got on the body composition analyzer today. Here are the key numbers
Fat Percentage: 26%
Fat Mass 72.2 lb
Muscle Mass: 195.4 lb
Weight: 277.6

First question my wife had was about the 277.6 and why I am not celebrating being below 280, well that is because the official scale said 280.5 and I go with the official scale for those celebrations. So what do these numbers tell us? Well if my muscle mass doesn't go up at all and I go for around 12% body fat (which I think is a fair goal) I will need to drop another 50 or so pounds and land at 220 or so. I think that is obtainable. Now I might end up a bit higher than that as I plan to add in more strength training but instead of having a solid goal weight in mind I am really going to shift my focus to a goal body fat percentage. Of course I have not talked about this with the docs yet, but I think that can work.

Tonight is date night. I am going to do a date night right and make it about me and my wife instead of about the treat. I know I talked about this a few posts ago and tonight is the first time I get to really put the plan into action. I really don't know what will come of it or how to pull this whole thing off but I am a good improviser. Of course that is also why you see no formal exercise in the key stats portion. Tonight is going to be about me and my wife, not about me. I am fine being selfish when I need to, but this one night a week is for us.

I am disappointed in myself, I think I left my "normal" eating book at work. I really wanted to finish it this weekend and now I won't be able to. Unless I make a trip to work to go get it, maybe I will do that. The more I think about what I have read the more I am seeing insight into myself that I never found before. If you are reading this blog on a weight loss journey of your own, or trying to support some one else going through the weight loss journey I can not recommend it highly enough. The book can be found here.

This week I am going to add swimming to my exercise. I was a competitive swimmer when I was 13/14, I was a member of the United State Coast Guard, and water has always been a part of my life. I am looking forward to getting in the pool and getting some good exercise. I know it is going to hurt the first day. I will be using muscle I have not used in a long time. But like I say every day on this blog, I know I can do it.


Thursday, March 28, 2013

Figuring me out (day 41 and 42)

Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar each day, no off eating. No formal exercise.

So I feel kind of bad about the amount of time I have written only every other day lately. I'll give the excuse that is was because I was on the road and wore out and hope you accept that. This week has been really hard on me. It is deployment time for a radio system I help design and I was onsite making sure it all went smoothly. That meant getting on the road most mornings by 4:30 AM, and not getting back to the hotel until nearly 7 PM. This killed my energy to self reflect, and my energy to write. I plan to get back on program with that starting tomorrow. Though I don't think I will be exercising tomorrow morning since I won't get home until nearly 11, but maybe I will.

As I have been traveling today I have been reading the book The Rules of "Normal" Eating. The book has rang true for me in a number of places, but it is off in one way that keeps standing out to me. The author keeps talking about people feeling bad about themselves or having poor self image when they were over weight. She (the author) using those bad feelings as something you have to turn around in order to become a "normal" eater. What doesn't work so well for me though is that I don't remember feeling bad about how I looked. I was never depressed about being over weight, and honestly when I looked in the mirror I didn't see the fat person I was in the mirror I would just see me with no thought to that. Have I just blocked out how I felt?  I never liked looking at pictures of myself because I would then notice how fat I was, so maybe that was how I blocked it. But I was and am a happy person. A jolly fat man if you will. Is there depression I hid my being the jolly fat man? Did I spin a lie for myself so well that I just didn't let myself feel depression? Do you have to be depressed to be an emotional eater?

I certainly am a emotional eater. I told the head shrink when I started this program that I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad, I eat when stressed, I eat when relaxed. I use an feeling as an excuse to eat. I am assuming that was because I used the food as a way to feel happier. What mode doesn't need a bit of happiness added in? I am at a bit of a loss because all of the ways the author describes people eating to deal with depression match ways I would eat. I would get an entire tube of cinnamon roles cook them and eat them as fast as I could. She described nearly that same thing as a way to say if you make the food disappear quickly you are making your feelings disappear quickly. This is why I write this blog. I think I found my answer as I was fixing a bunch of spelling mistakes. I didn't eat because I was depressed, I have gone through grief certainly (you can read about the grief I have been through at another blog I have written but have not written on in awhile at choosydadschooseskippy) but I was never depressed. No the feeling I was trying to put away was a feeling of inadequacy. I think I need to find out were that is coming from and deal with that in order to get healthy.

So back onto the jolly fat man thing. I have used self deprecating humor for such a long time, specifically joking about being a jolly fat man that I am honestly a bit worried about what I will do when I get to a healthier weight. I know that is probably not a normal thing to be worried about, but I really am. I learned to make the fat joke before anyone else could was a way to make sure no one ever hurt me. I hate that this still sticks out in my mind but I can clearly remember from 4th grade when I was first called Jonafat (instead of Jonathon or Jona"thin" if you will). 4th grade and I can still tell you were I was standing in the room and were the two people who said it to me were standing. I can damn near tell you what they where wearing. Why shit like that stays with me I have no idea. But there it is.

Well enough hard stuff to write for the night. I am going to go back to the book and keep reading. I think I'll have to read it again and replace depression with inadequacy and maybe get more out of it. I like that the book tells me to do something I have already started, to celebrate accomplishments no matter how small, and to keep a positive attitude. Well, the end of my hell month of being on the road is over. I have not once eaten off the program on the road, or in the 42 days I have been on the program. I look better than I have looked in a long time, my clothes are super loose on me, my ring has been sized down 3.5 sizes and is starting to get loose again, I feel good, I am noticing the changes in my body, and you know what I can do this.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Noticing A change in my face (day 39 and 40)

Key Stats: All normal BG's, 4 shakes 1 bar both days, no formal exercise.

Being on the road for the third week this month is hard. Plus this week I am averaging 14 hours each day. I am way down on total sleep, but happy to report I am on program and doing what I need to do. There is a buffet place right next to my hotel. I would normally have eaten at that place at least once, and ordered a pizza at least once. Instead I have kept to my shakes and bars. I am proud of myself.

While on the road I have been chatting with my son on video chat. I noticed that I looked much skinnier than even 3 weeks ago when I video chatted with him last. I also really noticed it the mirror today. I love when other people notice, but I really really love noticing it myself.

If I trust what my exercise and calorie tracker tells me I will be under 260 in 5 weeks. Not sure if I can trust it, but I hope it is true. I am doing what I need to do, and I will take the results as they came. I know I can do this.


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Sitting at the airport (day 38)

Key Stats: BG's all normal. 4 shakes 1 bar, no off eating. RUNNING through the airport to hit a connection as my exercise.

Well I tried. I ran. From Gate F11 to gate C27. I made it just in time to watch the plane be pushed back. Awesome. But the thing is I ran the whole way. I have not ran that far since boot camp. I would not have been able to do that 38 days ago.

Of course I am feeling it now. I had to find an alternate route to get to my meeeting at 8 AM tomorrow morning. I am going to only get 4 or 5 hours of sleep. The more I look at this trip the more it is sounding like boot camp. No sleep, lots of running. I should just set my laptop down and do some pushups right now to make it authentic.

Food was easy, and is being easy to avoid. The pretzel place still cries my name out when I walk past it, but I don't have to think about not eating it, I just know I am not going to.

Sorry for the short post today, it is not all that easy to write in the airport with all the announcements. I hope to get home a bit early from this trip and maybe even still make it to class this week. My hopes are a bit low though. This trip is not off to a good start. Either way I'll be back to class the week after.

I can do this.


Saturday, March 23, 2013

Triggers (day 37)

Key Stats: Normal BG's, 4 shakes 1 bar, no off eating. No exercise today again.

First off about the no exercise, I woke up feeling like crap today. I think the stomach bug that has been going around hit me. Thankfully it did not last long, and I am on the mend.

A new dairy queen is open by my house. I remember seeing it being built before I was thinking about lossing weight. I thought it was awesome that one was opening near by. Here are a list of things I like at diary queen.
1.) Blizzards
2.) Ice Cream cake
3.) Those crappy little hotdogs they sell
4.) The super crispy french fries
5.) Ice cream cake
6.) Orange Julius stuff
7.) Ice cream cake

So when I saw it was open I thought how nice it will be to be able to get blizzards on date night, and get ice cream cake for my birthday. Which made me think about how I won't be having ice cream cake, or any cake on my birthday. And it also occured to me that date night for me became more about the treat we were going to have than it was about a nice night together with my wife. That makes me sad. We started our date night to make sure we took time to be together, and took time to just be a couple rather than parents. I let my food issue take over what it was suppose to be, and let it become about food and treats. With my travel schedule, and being devoted to writing this blog and exercising we really have not taken time to have a good date night in awhile. I am going to make a point of having a great date night the next time we can. Since I won't be spending money on food for the date night maybe we can afford a baby sitter to go see a movie. The movie will be much cheaper since I won't be getting pretzel bites with cheese, and a HUGE soda and eating half of my wife's popcorn. After I finish writing this blog I am going to go over kiss my wife and apologize  she deserves better than what I have been giving her. I should have never let food or treats be the driver in our time together. It is a good thing I am working on getting healthy, I deserve it, my son deserves it, and my wife deserves it. I can do this.


Friday, March 22, 2013

Another missed day (day 35 and 36)

Key Stats: All bg's normal. 30 min on the bike yesterday morning. 4 shakes 1 bar each day, no off eating.

I'll start by saying sorry for missing my post yesterday, my wife and I didn't get back from home last night until after 11 and I was super tired. Which is also why you only see 30 minutes of exercise in 2 days. I'll get back on the exercise train tomorrow after I hopefully get to bed at a decent time and get a good night of sleep.

It must be cookie season. For 3 days in a row the break room table has been covered in cookies from vendors. Each time I walk in to the break room to fill my water, or make a shake I am confronted by temptation. It is not a struggle to say no, but I still do have to think about it. They had these little cookies that would be a good choice if I eating regular food. I don't know the calorie or carb intake that would be involved with them but they were about the size of a quarter. So I figure that I would have been able to enjoy one of those cookies to get a reasonable treat.

This has been become a bit of a mission for me. I have under 5 months to go on this diet. The diet is easy, but I need to figure out how to live after. So in situation where I am tempted by food I try and find the way to enjoy it in a reasonable fashion. I hope to keep finding ways. I think it helps me to think about the temptations, and find a way out of them. I just can't "Just Say No" forever. I can do this.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

More people noticing (day 34)

Key Stats: All BG's in normal range, 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating, 30 min on the bike in the morning, 30 min on the bike in the evening.

I love it when people who don't know I am working on losing weight notice that I have lost weight. I still see the same person in the mirror when I look so when people who know I am losing weight make comments it kind of ring hallow. But when a person who knows me that doesn't know what I am doing says something that really stands out. I hope I soon notice it more myself.

I read an article today on yahoo news that makes me happy I am taking to time each day to write this. If you are reading this and are doing, or are planning to do a VLCD diet, or even considering surgery I think this article is a good read. Her statement about losing weight but not really being able to understand what made her unhappy, or what made her the way she was hits home for me. Before when I lost weight I really didn't take time to understand why I was over weight in the first place. Why did I over eat? I has not been so much the diet that has made me try and understand these things, but really more the writing. I have challenged myself to write everyday and to be honest and open about the feelings, struggles, cravings, and everything that I am going through to get to a healthy weight. Like what she said, it is not about a number and it can't be. For me this has to be about the journey, about the self reflected, and about figuring out me. I know I can do this, because well I have to. I want to be here to see my son grow up. I want to hold a grandchild. Hell I want to be a bit greedy and get to spend all this money I save every month. I can do this.


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

What was hunger doing here(day 33)

Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating. 30 min on bike in morning, 30 min on bike in evening.

Not sure where this came from but I felt hunger today. I have not felt that kind of hunger for awhile. I have to try and figure out was this real hunger, or craving hunger? I was feeling it the most during a "lunch and learn" we had at work. All of the food looked really good, and of course the cookies looked good. I have to chalk it up to craving because I have not felt hunger like that in weeks. It was very easy to resist the urge to eat which makes me happy.

Today completes my full day of "rest" exercise. I decided to avoid the elliptical, and not to strength again to make sure that I recover well, and still get exercise in. The bike does that well for me, so that is what I stuck with. I may ride bike tomorrow morning again just to make sure I get to 100%. The last thing I want is to get sidelined from exercise because of an injury.

As I start my 2 month on the program I am happy to report that people are really starting to notice the change. I like that. I love every time some one tells me I am looking good, or gives me encouragement. I look forward to thinking I look good. I will get there. I know that I can do this.


Monday, March 18, 2013

In the groove (day 32)

Key Stats: all bg's normal. 30 minutes on the bike in the morning, strength training in the evening. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

I am officially in the groove. Being at home sure does make it easier but I wake, eat and drink like clock work. Well clock work really does sum it up well since I have alarms set on my phone for everything. The guys in the office laugh about it every time, but I use a nice calming alarm sound to remind me to eat.

I really wanted to go for a walk today as it is a great way to use the lunch time I no longer need. This snow put a stop to that though. I hope this snow doesn't last long, I would really like to get walking in more often. I have to admit that my exercise wasn't what I wanted it to be. I had planned for 30 minutes on the elliptical but I must have over done it the day before as it really hurt. So I got off and headed over to the bike. Thankfully the bike was much more doable. And I knocked out my exercise.

I found my blog on google today. You have to do an advanced search and only search the past week or 24 hours, but you will find me. I don't want to brag, but I think I should be showing on on VLCD blog searches. At 32 days and 32 posts I am the most complete blog you can find. But enough of that. I am sure readers will come. I may have to start finding ways to advertise. I hope some one else reads this and learns that they to can do this.


Sunday, March 17, 2013

A full month (day 31)

Key Stats: BG's all normal. 4 shakes and 1 bar, no off eating. 30 minutes on the elliptical in the afternoon.

My abs are killing me. After giving them the better part of a decade off I guess they are rebelling against me asking them to do some thing last night. I had planned to exercise again tonight and just repeat what I did last night, but I decided against that. The last thing I want to do is over do something and burn out.

I made big dinner tonight for some friends that came over. I made pancakes and eggs. I normally would eat a bunch while making a dinner like this, but found it very easy to not eat. I do have to admit that my key stats line of no off eating is not entirely true. When making the pancake batter I did lick my finger clean once. I still feel ok saying no off eating since that can barely count for anything, but I do need to own up to it. I knew this would happen at some point I have caught myself nearly doing it a couple of times. I didn't really notice how often I eat the food I am making while I am making it until I am not suppose to eat it. Normally when making pancakes I would make a test pancake before I continued the rest of the pancake. Of course I ate that pancake. I would also always make bacon with a breakfast themed meal. And of course I would eat a few pieces of bacon before putting it on the table. Well none of that tonight. It does lead me with the burning question of how was the food. I hope it was good.

So I feel like it is a bit of a milestone hitting 31 days. It wouldn't matter what month I started in 31 days would be considered a full month. 1 months in and I am thinking 5 months to go. I know I can do this.


Saturday, March 16, 2013

Sitting at a restaurant (day 30)

Key Stats: BG's all good and below 90, 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating, 30 minutes on the elliptical in the morning and strength and conditioning training in the evening.

I went to a restaurant today with my family and mother. It was olive garden. It is not my favorite place but there is certainly plenty for me to crave. I like the bread-sticks and love Alfredo sauce. I found it very easy to not want to eat though. I sat at the table and made my shake using ice water which made it a nice treat. This was really though one of the first time I sat in front of food though and didn't miss the food. I also challenged myself and searched the menu for what to get if I was going to try and eat reasonably. I would have to add fish to my tastes to have a chance. And even with the fish I would need to change what they put on it. It was really kind of disappointing to see that though as I don't really want to give up on all eating out but so far I am not finding much that would be good.

I added today strength training. I purchased a set of dumbells and an exercise mat. I am going to feel this in the morning. I lifted to muscle failure on a few sets. My abs are worthless. I am going to be sore. I think it only took me 10-15 minutes to be on the floor sucking air and feeling like jelly. I am sure it will get better, I just hope it doesn't take too long. I do know that I can do this.


Friday, March 15, 2013

Missed a day (day 28 and 29)

Key stats: BG's all normal, 4 shake 1 bar each day. No formal exercise day 28, 30 minutes on the elliptical day 29.

12 pounds. I dropped 12 pounds in two weeks. I am proud to have lost 12 pounds, but of course I wanted to lose more. I am now at 292. My goal is to be at 280 is two weeks. I think that is an obtainable goal.

Onto why I missed my post yesterday. I had set a goal of writing every day, but really had no choice but to miss yesterday. I had to fly out and didn't get home till nearly midnight. Since I had to be up early the next day to make it to the VLCD class I decided to just drop everything and get myself to bed. I don't feel bad about missing one day worth of posting.

I was really glad to get back into class. It helps me to keep focused, and to learn more about how to keep all of this weight off once I am done. I can see 260 (my first stated goal) now. It seems very real to me, and obtainable. I can't help but wonder what my final goal is going to be. I guess they have a machine now to measure body fat, muscle, and bone. I hope that is part of what determines what my final weight should be. Before I joined the coast guard I was measured one something similar, though I doubt as accurate and that told me that with just bone and muscle I would weigh 220. The more I look at picture of me at boot camp graduation the more I think that just can't be right. I was at a decent weight then, but still clearly had weight to loss. I think at graduation I was around 258 or so. I look forward to getting into the low 250's. Once I break 255 I will be as light as I have ever been as an adult. That will be awesome. As it is this is the lightest I have been since I was married.

I still worry about keeping the weight off when I am done, but I am starting to understand more and more about myself. I already know I can lose the weight  but I am starting to think I might be able to figure out how to keep it off. All I know for today though is that I can do this.


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

4 times (day 27)

Key stats: Morning BG 76, evening BG 83. TONS of walking, no formal exercise. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Not eating off today was harder than it has been in awhile. I had 4 moments when I talked myself into eating off, and then had to talk myself out of it.

1.) Before my presentation. I was nervous about speaking and told myself that some food would make me feel better. So I decided I would have some pizza. But I realized shortly after I decided I could that it would be a bad idea to cheat after this long of doing well.

2.) After my presentation. I did really well, and felt like a rock star, of course that meant I deserved a treat. Some pizza. I realized shortly after that I earned the a treat for sure, but the treat I was going to get was going to be long term health, not short term pleasure.

3.) After the show was wrapping up for the day a social gathering with food was starting. Free food, finger food, awesome looking pasta, roast beef. I said to myself that I should be social and join with what everyone else is doing. Not joining in on the food didn't leave me out of anything though. I don't need to eat or drink to be social.

4.) FREE BOOZE, GOOD FREE BOOZE. All top shelf, great wines, good whiskey, all my favorites. I figured what is one drink, how big of a deal could that be. But I didn't, I drank water. And you know what, I could still just stand around and talk with people.

I just have to wrap this post up with WINNING! and of course, I can do this.


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Free Food (day 26)

Key Stats: Morning BG 75, evening BG 72. 30 minutes on the elliptical in the morning and a TON of walking today. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Today was the first day of the conference and it proved to be a challenge. Free food all over the place. I walked out of my first class and was handed a 15 dollar gift card for any of the local restaurants.  There is pizza, and burgers, and cinnamon rolls. Dear god it is like everything I have a hard time resisting was around. But happy to say WINNING!

I am still on program, 26 days in and no off eating. Not even once. Tempted, you bet. Feeling week, yep. But I am doing it, because I can do this.


Monday, March 11, 2013

Sin City (day 25)

Key stats: Morning BG 71 evening BG 82. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating. 30 minutes on the bike in the morning  30 minutes on elliptical in the evening, upper body weight lifting.

I am in Las Vegas. Tons of food around, all sorts of temptations, and here I am on program and kicking ass.

I am going to keep this short so that I can take a walk still and see the sites. I am proud of myself, I can do this.


Sunday, March 10, 2013

Stress (day 24)

Key Stats: Morning Bg 75, 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating, 1 hour on the bike in the afternoon

I went out an purchased a scale today. It was just driving me too crazy to not know my progress. I regret getting the scale already.

As you know if you read this blog I have been on the road for work for the last week. Being on the road changed my routine, and added a bunch of stress to my life. I think that caused me to not lose as much weight. For the routine change I was having to get up early to get on the road early while out. This caused me to shift my exercise to one time during the evening instead of twice a day like I had been doing. I also was making double shakes in the morning and night to avoid needing to make shakes on the road. With all that, I still lost weight, and there is nothing wrong with that, but just not as big of numbers as I was seeing, or hoping for.

With my weigh in today I am down to 300, which is a 4 pound weight loss in 10 days. That gives me a total of 24 pounds lost on this program in 3 weeks and 3 days. Nothing to be ashamed of in that, but it has put me into a funk. Or well it put me into a funk. I think I have positively thought my way out of it. I am going to work harder to get back into a normal routine next week. It will be a bit easier even though I am on the road again. I have to double check, but I think the hotel I am in has an exercise room. If not I will be going for walks as my exercise. Since it is Vegas, there will at least be stuff to look at.

I really hope I can drop a bigger number by my official Friday weigh in. If you look at the tracker on this blog you'll notice I have not updated it. I have decided that I will only use my clinic weigh ins as the official weigh ins. I still have faith, and I will work through this, after all I know that I can do this.


Saturday, March 9, 2013

Being able to help more(day 23)

Key Stats: Morning BG 75. 1 hour on bike in the afternoon. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

God I love typing no off eating. I have typed it 23 times in a row. I really think I can go through this entire process and write that every time.

I cooked dinner and lunch for my family today. I used to do the majority of the cooking in the house, but when I started this program I knew I needed to get away from food for awhile. I also did a decent split on the grocery shopping (I think my wife would say she did it more than I did) but I had to step away from that also. I just didn't want to face temptation, because I was worried what I would do. I know this put a bunch of stress on my wife who went from not having to worry about getting food made, and who got to come home from work to a hot meal most every day, to having to deal with all of that herself. I am so glad to have her support in this, I could not do it without her.

It is not that I don't feel temptation, because believe me I do. I however know now that I can deal with the temptation and be successful. I know I can crave a food, or crave a snack and not fall into it. I think it took the week I had on the road to really prove to myself that I can deal with temptation very well. I no longer think about it over and over again. The thought comes up, I put the thought down, and it is over. I am proud of my resolve, and my will. I type it every day on here and maybe at first it was a fake it till you make it phrase. I might still be faking it, but there is no doubt that I am making it. I can do this.


Friday, March 8, 2013

Missing my motivation (day 22)

Key stats: Morning BG 76, evening bg 84, 4 shakes 1 bar, no exercise

Well I am sitting here writing my blog after working a nearly 14 hour day. I just don't have the energy to go out and exercise. And oddly I am perfectly fine with that. I was worried that missing exercise would demoralize me and make me worry about the future. The first time I missed exercise that was a true worry, but today I am missing it knowing that tomorrow I will get right back on the bike and be back on the exercise program. I am happy that I have come that far. 

On to the topic of the post. I am really missing my weekly weigh in. I am missing it more than I thought I would. The weight  I drop each week is what keeps me going. I might have to go out and pick up a scale this weekend.

Today also wraps up my first of 3 weeks on the road, and it was a successful week. Week two is going to offer a new set of challenges as I had to Vegas. But with the success of this week under my belt (which has more room under it these days) I know that I can do this.


Thursday, March 7, 2013

3 weeks (day 21)

Key stats: Morning BG 72, evening BG 81. 1 hour exercise on the bike in the evening. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

I am now 21 days into this program. I have been writing for 22 days. Never missing a day. I have consumed 15,750 calories since starting this program. I have exercised for nearly 20 hours burning around 4800 calories in the process. I have lost 3.5 sizes off of my ring finger. I can see in my face that I have lost weight, people have said they have noticed that I have lost weight. I just don't know at this point how much I have lost.

Today should have been a weigh in day. I should be happily posting how much I have lost in the last week and how much I have lost total since starting. But I am on the road, and I have it in my head that I will only use the official scale to measure my weight loss. So I will have to wait another week before I find out. It will be next week Friday morning before I know.

My first small goal was to be under 300 pounds. I really wanted to hit that last week, but only got to 304. Now I know it was not reasonable to think I could drop 12 pounds two weeks in a row, but hey you have to dream big to achieve big. I am sure that I am under 300 now. I won't celebrate it though until I see it on the scale. After 300 comes the big hurdle of 260. The lowest I can ever remember my weight being was in boot camp when I weighed in at 254 or so. So 6 pounds above my lowest remembered adult weight just seems unreal to me in so many ways. But the way I am losing pounds and the way I am able to continue doing what I need to do encourages me. I don't know what my final weight goal is going to be, but I do know that I can do this.


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Finding out about myself (day 20)

Key Stats: Morning BG 81, evening BG 77. 1 hour exercise on the bike in the evening. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Stress triggers cravings. This trip has been one stress inducing moment after another. This morning while warming up my rental car and talking to my boss the snow plow hit me. Then while riding with my client to one of the radio sites we got rear-ended. I had to fight myself not to go off program.

I have really found that eating is what I have done to calm myself, and to keep myself balanced. I have said that I eat when I am happy, and I eat when I am sad. It was kind of easy to understand eating while sad, the food made me feel better. And eating while happy was a way to raise that level of happiness. I never really noticed that I ate when I was stressed. Looking back on things I can see it, but it took removing eating from what I can do to really see it.

I still worry. Being in the bubble that I am in right now makes things easy. I can treat food as the enemy. The same as I did when I quit smoking, and when I quit caffeine  I made them the enemy and said I can never do them again, and it worked. Now what do I do... I would do shakes for the rest of my life if I could, but I can't. So how do I find a way to eat normal food and maintain a healthy weight? I wish I had the answer to that question right now. It sure would make this process easier. But I think the process is really what is going to help me find the answer to that question. I can do this.


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

First Day on the road (day 19)

Key stats: Morning BG 78, evening BG 82. 30 minutes on the bike in the morning, 30 minutes on the elliptical  in the afternoon. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Being on the road is harder than being at home. I can stop and get food, or eat what ever I want when I want and no one will see me do it. At home my wife will notice if I order a large pizza for dinner. On the road no notice. So today it came down 100% to will power.

I am proud of myself, because will all that above, and a bunch of stress added in, I stayed on plan. Even when I had to stop at the local gas station/ car repair/ tire center/ grocery store/ BBQ joint/ general store (not kidding it is all of those things) to get a flat tire fixed (after blowing out a tire on a mountain top for the SECOND time) I stayed on plan. When walking past the hotel bar/restaurant and seeing tasty food, I walked past to the exercise room and stayed on plan.

I don't want all the temptation, and I hope at some point it is not such an internal struggle to eat right... I know one thing. I can do this.


Monday, March 4, 2013

Leaving on a Jet plane (day 18)

Key Stats: Morning BG 73. 1 hour exercise in the morning on the bike, 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

You'll have to excuse the short post, it is late and I need to be up early.

Today was not an easy day. Having to pack all my food, carry it through an airport, make shakes in the airport, oh and resist temptation. But I did it. I got to VA with no cheating, safe and sound, and still strong on the program. I wish I could say the same for my bags. I had to do a stop at Walmart at 10:30 PM before I checked into my hotel so that I could get underwear, socks, and of course some exercise clothes. I am not going to let not having my bags stop me from achieving my goal. I can do this.


Sunday, March 3, 2013

Getting Packed (day 17)

Key Stats: No BG checks, 1 hour exercise on the bike in the afternoon, 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Went to another birthday party again today. Got to face a nice looking cheese platter, cupcakes, and all sorts of other tasty looking things. I have to add the winning tag to this post because, WINNING! I didn't have to fight temptation, I didn't feel like I missed out. I did great.

I am getting packed tonight for my first trip since I started this diet. Things on my packing list include shirts, pants, boxers, socks, work out clothes, and all my food for the entire time. I've packed for a number of trips in the past, but I have never had to bring work out clothes or all of my food. That just feels weird to say. My entire weeks worth of food fits in a small carry on bag. It might just fit in my lap top bag so I won't have to carry two bags on. Wow.

I am going to miss out on class though. That is going to be hard. I am just getting into the groove of this diet, and I have learned about myself at each class. I wish I didn't have to miss. I know I'll be fine though. After all I can do this.


Saturday, March 2, 2013

A reminder of help (day 16)

Key Stats: Morning BG 82, evening BG 74. 1 hour on the bike in the afternoon. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

My wife has stepped up big time to help me through this process. She has taken over all the cooking, and food shopping so that I don't have to deal with handling food. That has helped in so many ways, and I really learned that today. I was home alone with my son while she was out shopping and it was snack time. My son asked for cheese for his snack. If I am asked on a form to tell alittle about myself I almost always will write "I enjoy cheese." So going and cutting my son a few pieces of cheese, and not having some myself turned out to be quite difficult. I am proud of myself though as I got him his cheese and did not eat any. It was not easy though.

I can't get pizza out of my mind. I really should have gotten pizza as my last meal. As I was driving to swim lessons with my wife and son I swear every place we drove by was a pizza place. Pizza is following me. I wish there was a pizza flavored shake, or bar. I am worried about my resolve while on the road away from home. Pizza was always something I would get, and over indulge on. I am going to have to find a way to bring pizza in after I transition in a healthy way. I hope the cravings get easier over time. I find it funny though that as I sit here writing about pizza, and wanting to eat a bunch of pizza, I am not hungry. I think that is how VLCD is going to help me in the long run. I have to learn that just because I want to eat something doesn't mean my body needs to eat it. I am not hungry, I am just craving. I used to think I would start to crave because I was hungry. I am learning, and I know that I can do this.


Friday, March 1, 2013

Learning about myself (day 15)

Key stats: Morning BG 84, 30 minutes on the bike in the morning, 30 minutes in the evening. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Today I got to learn about hunger and cravings. I went to a birthday party for a 2 year old and pizza and cupcakes were being served. Cupcakes were easy, I avoided cupcakes once before so that just made it easier. The pizza however proved to be a challenge.

I know I was not hungry. That pizza looked so good though. And my head started to tell myself that I was starving. I really could have sat down and just ate the whole thing. But I was not hungry, why did the sight of the pizza make me want to eat? Certainly stress played a part, today was a very difficult day at work for me and my normal stress reaction to to eat. Certainly old habits played a part as pizza has always been my go to, can eat any time, always makes me happy food. At one point I was in the kitchen all by myself looking at the closed pizza boxes and thinking I could just eat one piece. What would one piece be in the grand scheme of things. I would probaly still lose weight and would be just fine. Why not just have the one piece? But I know it would not have been one piece, and one time. I do not want to fall down the slippery slope. If I fail at this I know I will need to face surgery to get and be healthy.

I wish I didn't have to struggle like this with eating. I hope at some point I can figure out why I eat when I shouldn't. Why cravings can trigger the feeling of hunger? Do other people go through this? Do other normal weight people just deal with that feeling better? Have I just been weak my whole life?

To make matters worse, getting on the bike tonight was a chore. I just wanted to go to bed and get some sleep. But I didn't. I went downstairs, I rode my bike, and now I am sitting here writing this blog. I am going to do this. I am going to find a way to break my relationship with food. I am going to make exercise a normal part of my life. I am going to figure this out. I can do this.


P.S. I got my first comment from a person I don't know. I loved getting that comment and knowing people were reading my blog. Feel free to leave a comment below, and share this blog with anyone who might benefit from it.I have not found my site yet with a google search. I guess I have to start posting the address in places to try and increase the chances of some one finding this.