Thursday, February 28, 2013

8 is great (day 14)

Key stats: Morning BG 85, Afternoon BG 73. 30 min in bike in the evening, snow in the morning. 4 shakes, 1 bar. 8 pounds down for the week.

I lost 8 pounds! That makes 20 pounds in two weeks on the VLCD program, and 33 total pounds since I decided recently to lose weight. If you track back to the first time I recorded my weight with the idea of losing weight it means 51 pounds lost. I am proud of myself.

I missed out on a half hour of my exercise today. Taking care of the snow certainly is activity, but I want to get back into my routine of exercise. I think I am going to try to stick to 30 minutes in the morning, a 20 minute walk at lunch, and 30 minutes in the evening. I had wanted and set my timer to one hour tonight on the bike, but decided to try and get back on a schedule. I doubted my self and thought I was just making an excuse to not ride for an hour, but stuck to it. A schedule really would be better for me as I need to get on auto-pilot for awhile.

Class was good tonight too. We talked about long term weight, and keeping the pounds we lose off. I realized that my previous weight losses were really doomed from the start. I had the intention of losing weight, not the intention of being at a healthy weight for the rest of my life. Each other time I dropped the pounds and thought I was done. I really see now that this is going to be something I can't ignore for the rest of my life. It might get easier with time, but as I look back on my life going all the way back to 1st grade (the first time I remember noticing I was fat), I am not able to not think about what food I eat. I will need to be a thoughtful eater forever if I want this to work. Dropping weight is easy, I can do that. Can I do the rest of it? 


Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Not a great day (day 13)

Key Stats: Morning BG 85, afternoon BG 75. 4 shakes, 1 bar. No exercise.

Today was not a great day. WHile it is not really fair to say no exercise since I had to remove snow, I didn't do any of my exercise activities. By the time the snow was taken care of in the morning I had no time to ride. Going for a walk during the day was a no go because it was still snowing and finding sidewalks to walk one was not going ot happen. Then I had a meeting that lasted until 7PM, and I had family duties to take care of until nearly 10 PM (I am writing this right before I go to bed). So like the title says, not a good day.

But, it is not a bad day. I will not let missing one day of exercise ruin me. I didn't eat anything I wasn't suppose to. I didn't miss any meals like I had yesterday. I still did good, just not great. Tomorrow is my weigh in, I hope to drop 13 pounds, which would take me to 299. Being below 300 would be a huge win. I don't know if this is realistic or not. But I can hope. Either way, I am sure I have lost weight this week again. and I know that I can do this.


Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Forgetting to eat(day 12)

Key Stats: Morning BG 73, Evening BG 70. 30 minutes on the bike in the morning, 20 minute walk at lunch, 30 minutes on the bike in the evening. 4 shakes 1 bar, no off eating.

I missed a shake today. I was super busy at work, and when my alarm went off to eat I didn't have time to go make the shake. I didn't notice that I had forgotten until I was packing up to go home. I was surprised that I wasn't hungry. I don't know if it was all in my head though, but temptation reared its ugly head when I got home. Plus I think I went too long between eating as I was starting to loss energy and started to feel crappy. I have to make sure to not skip meals like that again. I think most of it was in my head, but it is what it is.

But today was still a good day, after all I faced temptation and won. I'll post the winning tag on this email for sure. We had cookies at the company meeting, some bags of chips got left on the kitchen table free for the taking, and some one put a bunch of left over valentines candies on the table. I could have taken any of these and enjoyed them. I didn't.

I can do this.


Monday, February 25, 2013

A surprising problem (Day 11)

Key Stats: Morning BG 78, afternoon BG 72. 1 hour exercise in the morning on bike, 20 minute walk at lunch, and 30 minutes exercise in the evening on the bike. 4 Shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

My energy level is through the roof right now. I did nearly 2 hours of exercise today and I feel like I could get back on the bike and do another hour. I really never thought that would be a problem for me. I remember during the first training for this program the PA said that if I did excessive exercise I would need to up my calorie intake. I asked what excessive as and he said 2-3 hours a day. I laughed, yah right 2-3 hours a day. I thought I would be lucky if I did 2-3 hours a week. Well here is hoping what I did today was not excessive. Hell I even thought about running. I hate running. Weird.

I have in my head that I am going to beat the 300 pound mark this week. I am afraid I have set up for myself a goal that is not reachable. Or that in my zeal to reach that goal I will over do the exercise and set myself back. I know that I am doing exactly what I need to do to be healthy, and the weight is going to come off, so I am going to go along for the ride. I still have a lot to learn so that I can keep this weight off when I am done. Already have I learned a very important lesson though, I can stick to a plan and resist temptation. I had never been able to do that in the past. I lost a bunch of weight two other times, but put it back on in short order. I can not do that again.

I have a TON of page views in the last day or so. I decided to put this blog out on facebook and let everyone I know find out about what I am doing. That was hard for me to do as I really don't like being vulnerable and admitting to a bunch of people how messed up my eating was. I did a quick back of the envelope calculation, I used to eat in 1 day what I am drinking with shakes each week right now. That blows my mind. It is a good thing that I can do this.


Sunday, February 24, 2013

Committed (day 10)

Key Stats: Lunch BG: 72, Dinner BG: 84. 30 minutes on the bike in the morning, 55 minutes on the bike in the evening. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Today was a good day for me. I felt stronger than I have in a few days. I got to face, and over come 2 big challenges for me.

Challenge one: While going to get my ring re-sized (apparently all of my weight was in my ring finger because my ring simply falls off when I try and put it on now) I had to face Andes Mints. I love those. I put a link back there to a 5 pound bag of them. I am certain I could eat that bag in a day while at work. Again, no one would have notices, no one would have found out, but I wasn't even really all that tempted. I got my ring turned in to be re-sized and walked out.

Challenge two: Easter candy is here. Creme eggs, Starburst Jelly beans... I can not eat too many of those. I really don't know if I would have a limit to how many of them I could eat. Again I saw them, acknowledged what I could have done, or would have done, and moved on.

The title of the post is committed and it really rung true today. When I got married my ring size was 18. We could barely find a place that had the sizers to make a ring that size. Now that my ring is falling off I tried to find a temporary sizer for it to make it so that it fit. So I took the ring into Kesslers were we purchased it from, and it turns out they did not have a temporary size that could drop the ring size down to a 14.5. That is right, I have dropped 3.5 sizes from my ring finger. I had no idea that would happen, or could happen. So I had to send the ring in to be resized. That now leaves me so that if I gain the weight I have lost back, I will not have a ring to wear. This is I am sure the first of many getting too small for things I own, but it is also the hardest to change. I hate not wearing my ring, and I would hate to have to bring it in to make it bigger again. I can do this.


Saturday, February 23, 2013

Keeping motivation (day 9)

Key Stats: BG-94. I forgot my meter at work. Exercise 1 hour on the bike... 1 hour in a row never done that before. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

I got back on track with my motivation today. I had let success almost be my downfall, but decided that was a really bad idea. So I woke up early and got my ride in. Eat on my schedule, and did was I needed to do.

I also got to face 2 sets of temptations for me today. The first was during lunch, we had to eat on the road so we stopped at a McDees. That place smells like happiness. At one point my wife and son got up to take a potty break leaving behind both meals. I could have snagged a french fry and no one would have noticed. I could have taken a small bite of a cheese burger completely unnoticed. I did neither of those two things. Certainly the thought came to mind, and I had to tell myself no, but I didn't do it. Will there be a time when those thoughts don't come to mind?

The second temptation test was stopping at a gas station to get my wife juice and food to treat a low BG she was having. They made me walk through an isle of doughnuts, cookies, and treats to check out. It made me smile to think about it. Here I was a fat man laughing about the absurdity of having to walk through an isle of treats to check out, thinking they had set that isle up just for me. Oh that isle would have worked just 10 days ago, but today it just made me laugh. To quote Charlie Sheen "WINNING!" I can do this.


Friday, February 22, 2013

A surprisingly hard day (day 8)

Key Stats: Morning BG-83 Lunch BG- 85 Diner BG 84. 60 minutes on the bike. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

So you would have thought the day after having weight loss to get excited about things would have gotten easier. They did not. I hope it is because of lack of sleep, as I only got 4 hours last night.

The day just started out wrong. I used to excuse that I got very little sleep as a reason to not get out of bed and exercise. Then I had to make a shake quickly and start driving while drinking it to get to work early. Then at 9:30 when I normally have another shake I was too distracted by a problem I was working on that I forgot to drink it until 10:30. Because of the weather, and work I didn't get to go for my lunch walk. Because of a 12:30 conference call I had to eat my bar quickly instead of enjoying it and eating it slowly like I try to do. My 3:00 shake was drank at 3:30.

My schedule has become more important to me than I realized. My first order of business is going to be getting back onto my schedule. I still need to auto pilot this for awhile.

I am proud of myself though. If nothing else a hard day like this proves to me that I can do this even if it gets harder. Even though I didn't get the exercise in the way I wanted to I still did get my hour in. Even though I felt hunger pains, and thought about all the foods I could enjoy if I wanted to- I didn't eat off. Up until this point the diet has been fairly easy. It got harder, and I still kept to my goals, and did what I need to do. I can do this.


Thursday, February 21, 2013

A dozen (not doughnuts) (day 7)

Key : Morning BG 85, afternoon BG 73, evening BG- no check, 40 minutes on bike in morning, 20 minute walk at lunch. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating. 12 pounds lost!

You might have just skipped over that so I will say it again- 12 pounds lost!!!!

Already this weight loss has provided me a new challenge, since I found out I lost 12 pounds the temptation to cheat has gone up. I guess it must be because I have seen such success that I feel like I can cheat just a bit and still be ok. I don't like these thoughts and I look forward to them going away as I resist the temptation.

Class was good today, it was more of a group atmosphere which I found to be very helpful. It was really good to hear what others who are doing the same thing as I am are going through.

I also announced to the class this blog, so if you are from the class and are reading this: Welcome to my blog. Feel free to leave a comment. I am still debating if I should put this out on facebook. I do want people to start reading this though, so I guess exposure would be good. I'll sleep on it for the night.

Well I really don't have much else to say tonight. I am starting to think I can really do this, I have said a bunch of time on the blog that I hope I can do this. I am going to change that to I can do this.


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Going stronger than ever (day 6)

Key Stats: Morning BG 82, Lunch BG 81, Evening BG (forgot to check). 30 minutes on the bike in the morning, 30 minutes on the bike in the evening. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

I forgot to eat today. It was time for a shake, my alarm went off and I wanted to finish what I was working on. Almost an hour later later I realized that I had forgotten to eat. That blows my mind. The hunger, my constant can always eat, always hungry, unhealthy hunger is gone. I know it is just because of the diet, and I know at only 6 days in I have a VERY long journey ahead of me. I know that once I finish this diet the real challenge will begin. But for today, I found out what it was truly like to not be hungry. I found out what it was like to not be craving food. I found out what it was to forget to eat. Me, forget to eat. Damn.

Tomorrow I weigh in for the first time since starting the program. I am excited and nervous about what the numbers are going to say. I know I have done everything I am suppose to do to be successful. But I also know that if I don't see results it is going to be a mental set back for me. I hope to make an excited call to my wife to report the big number!

I am also looking forward to the class. Last week was very much a week of confirming what I already knew from being Type 2 diabetic, and from my wife  who is type 1 diabetic. But even with that I learned things I never knew, and got some good tips for success on this diet.

I looked into why my blog doesn't show up in a google search. I don't really understand it.I guess that explains why no one is reading this though, no one can find it.


Tuesday, February 19, 2013

My new normal (Day 5)

Stats for the Day: Breakfast BG- 85 Lunch BG- 75, Dinner BG- 82. 30 minutes on the bike twice, 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating

The days are getting easier. I like that.

So today was my second day in a row with no metformin. It seems for at least the duration of this super low carb diet I will not be requiring diabetes medicine. That is awesome. When I first went on the medicine I set a goal of getting my weight to the point where I didn't need medicine any longer. My weight is not setting it so that I don't need medicine any more, but I now have hope that I could get there.

The exercise is getting easier to do also. Today during my evening bike ride I didn't even notice that I was riding faster than I normally do. I was averaging closer to 10 MPH instead of 9 MPH. When I started out I purposely slowed myself down to make sure I wasn't burning myself out with the thought of increasing speed later. It was nice to see speed coming on by just listening to my body.

I hope to get some readers eventually. My wife reads these, but it appears no one else does. I can understand why not one is reading it, I can't even find this with a google search. I guess I will have to look into how to increase my page rank. If you are reading this, feel free to leave a comment.


Monday, February 18, 2013

VLCD seems to be working for me (day 4)

Key Stats: Morning BG-79 Afternoon BG- 75, evening BG-85. 20 minutes on bike in morning, 20 minute walk during lunch, 20 minutes on bike in evening. 4 Shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

I had a good day. My energy level is now higher than it was before I started this program. I really didn't think that was going to happen. I am now 4 days in a row with at least 1 hour of exercise. I am 4 days in a row on my diet with no cheating. I am doing good. I hope I can keep this up.

Work today should have been a challenge. A co-worker brought in brownies. I normally eat at least 3 of those when that happens, if not more than 3. I didn't eat any, and I was not really tempted to eat any. I didn't have to try and avoid them in order to not be tempted. In fact I was in a room with them a bunch of times and could have easily taken one, but I didn't. They did look good, and smell good though.

I am starting to have food dreams for almost every dream. I don't know if this is a normal side effect, but I am having way more vivid dreams, and having them way more often then I used to. I had one dream were I opened a package of Starbursts and ate them one by one. That was the whole dream, nothing else happened. I just ate Starbursts.

I am really looking forward to Thursday to find out how much weight I lost. I have in my head a silly high number that I want to have lost, I doubt it will be that high of a number. I do know that for the first time in a very long time I am doing what I need to do to lose weight. I am in this 100%.


Sunday, February 17, 2013

Ode to a cup cake (Day 3)

Stats for today : Morning BG 87, Afternoon BG 79, Evening BG 75. 1 Bar, 4 shakes, no off eating. 37 minutes on the bike this morning, 33 minutes this evening.

I downloaded onto my phone a fitness tracking program. According to it, I took in 750 calories, and burned 261 calories with exercise, that means a net of 489 calories. I sure hope that is not too low and is putting me into starvation mode. I really want to see a nice weight drop on Thursday. I do however love that I am able to put in 1 hour of exercise every day right now. I did not think my energy levels would be what they are at this point. I really hope I can keep this up.

On to the title of today's blog. As a fund raiser for the March of Dimes my family went to a place to make pottery and fused glass. If I was artistic in the least I would really get into glass working, but nothing I make turns out how I want it to look and I just don't have it in me to get good at it. But as it was a fund raiser the family hosting it brought in cup cakes. In the past I would have had at least 2, and possibly 3 cup cakes. I would have done 1 pink cup cake for my daughter Bella who died, 1 blue for my son Oscar who died, and I would have snuck one random color one for my son Tittle who died. Plus I would have finished what ever my son Gus had left behind. Instead, had NONE!

I wanted one, I really did. I love frosting. I have gotten a can of frosting and just ate the whole thing, multiple times. But I didn't have one. I even was being so mindful of what was going near my mouth that when I got some frosting on my fingers while helping my son open his cup cake I went and wiped it off. I wanted to lick my finger off so bad, and really I am sure it would have been just a few calories. It just came down to the principle of it. I can do this. I can eat what I am suppose to. I can learn how my brain works in regards to food. I can become a mindful eater. Some day I will even be able to have just one cup cake.


Saturday, February 16, 2013

A day of challenges (Day 2)

Stats for Today : Pre-Breakfast BG- 96, Pre-Lunch BG- 86, Pre-Dinner BG 81. 33 Minutes exercise on the bike in the morning, 30 minutes exercise on the bike in the evening. 4 Shakes, 1 bar eaten. No off eating.

Today was a hard day. I could have made it easier, but I thought having some success early would be good for me. With that in mind I took on a shopping trip that would have in the past insured cheating on a diet. I had to walk through the stores fast, and put blinders on as much as I could, but I made it out of two stores without buying anything I should not. I am proud of myself.

Today was also hard because I dealt with cravings much more than I did yesterday. While my wife was shopping I craved cheese. While making a snack for my son I craved celery. CELERY of all things. I justified it in my head with the idea that eating celery burns more calories than you take in from the celery. I don't know if that is true, but I do know that it would have been a slippery slope for me if I did give in and eat it. My wife made dinner tonight and it smelled sooooo good. But through all of that, I stayed true to this journey.

I have tried too lose weight in a bunch of different ways in the last couple of years. I have started and even kept to exercise programs for 2 to 3 weeks. I started seeing a therapist about over eating, and while never fully buying into it, I did see her a hand full of times and tried to incorporate things she said. But through all of the tries I have never been able to make it more than 3 days without cheating on the food. And once I cheat, it only takes a few days to be right back where I started.

I know in the long run food can not be the enemy. When I quit smoking, and quit caffeine I could make those products the enemy. So it was easier to do since I didn't need either of those two things. Food is different, I can't not eat forever. Food has to be part of my life. For now, I can treat food as the enemy though. I drink my shakes, and eat my bars (the bars are the highlight of my day those things are tasty) and I can treat all other foods as the enemy. I just hope the classes help me find a way to establish food as a good thing again, something I can control and do right. Without that, all of this that I am going through will be meaningless.

On a side note, I tried vanilla again today. I had started out only drinking chocolate shakes today as they tasted much better. But while figuring out what to have for my 3PM shake my head told me vanilla would taste good, and sure enough it did.

Thanks for reading if you are reading. I plan to do at least a stat post each day to keep myself honest in this process. Knowing other people are reading this would help me to stay honest.


Friday, February 15, 2013

On your marks, get set, go (Day 1)

I started this morning. I started my day with a nice ride on my exercise bike (20 minutes, 3 miles) and I made my first shake and drank that for breakfast. I have to admit that I was not impressed with the vanilla flavor. This worried me, I have to survive on these foods for the next 3-6 months. I did how ever get affirmation that this program can work for me. As I was at work, I felt full. That is right, I ate 150 calories worth of drink, and felt full. Stuffed almost. 12 ounces of fluid, this surprised me, and encouraged me.

My next shake was at 9:30 AM and I made a chocolate one, thank god this tasted better. I think I could actually enjoy those shakes.

At 11:30 I had my first moment of realization. I was full. I don't fully understand the why, but drinking these shakes make me feel very full. But, I eat lunch at 11:30 and even while feeling full, I was HUNGRY. Not just a bit hungry, but REALLY hungry.

I then decided to go for a walk after I ate my lunch. I really enjoyed the protein bar. Honestly I would have enjoyed the flavor of those even while not trying to loss weight. That was a very big surprise. I then went for my walk, I have never gone for a walk during the day at work. I just felt like it was the right thing to do. It turns out my office is right near some nice parks, and has some nice views. I plan to try and make that a daily routine.

My 3 PM shake was vanilla again. I am going to get through that bag, and I doubt I will be ordering it again. In fact I might just work on the chocolate shakes for a bit and hope my tastes change a bit. I see they have lots of other flavors to try, I'll have to get a few of the single servings to give them a try.

On to dinner. I had another chocolate shake that I let sit in the freezer for about a half an hour. That was a good idea that I think I will try again.

As the day went on I was worried about feeling crappy, as I have been warned that would happen. And sure enough I started to feel crappy. So after putting my son to bed I decided to try go for another ride. This has helped me a bunch. It took the head ache away! It is coming back, but at least it was gone for the time I rode.

Important stats for the day: BG at breakfast 103, Lunch 86, Dinner 103. 4 shakes, 1 bar. No off eating. 46 minutes on the bike, 20 minute walk.

I am proud of today, and I have hope that I can make this work.


Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Start (Day 0)

I started my weight loss journey on 4/10/2010. This is the first time I ever recorded my weight with the goal of losing weight. I weighed 355 pounds on that day. After a bunch of false starts, and failed plans I find myself here today on 2/14/2013 at 324 pounds. I am actually surprised at how much weight I have lost since that first time that I wrote it down, but not too proud.

In the three years since I recorded that starting weight I have tried Xenical, swimming, biking, a therapist, and countless attempts at limiting my food intake. I guess I did some good, but I am certainly not were I need to be.

So today I started a new program through a local clinic. It is the VLCD, or very low calorie diet. It will consist of 4-5 shakes each day, and 0-1 protein bars each day. This will give me a total of 700-1000 calories each day. My body is going to go into Ketosis. I guess the first couple of days is not going to be pleasant.

So that brings me to this blog. I plan to write often to keep myself honest on this diet. I know it is going to be hard, but it is what I need to do. If you have gone through this type of diet before please leave a message. I'd love advice.