Where did this come from (day 44)

Key Stats: No BG checks (left meter at work), 4 shakes 1 bar, no off eating. 30 minutes on elliptical and 10 minutes on the bike in the morning, and 30 minutes on the bike in the evening.

Well for the first time that I can remember I had the urge to over eat. I have not felt that tug in a long time. I don't know how else to explain the feeling, it really is just a tug. I wanted to make extra shakes, or have an extra bar, or eat more chicken broth. It is the same feeling I used to get when I would eat a ton of food. I wasn't hungry, I just wanted to eat more. Hence the title of the blog, where did this come from?

Here is what it is not. I am not under stress. I was not craving a particular food. I was not hungry. I was not feeling down. I was not tired. I wasn't happy. It happened as I was putting the groceries away. Maybe just looking at all that food and walking around the grocery store triggered my brain to think it was time to eat. I certainly would have given in and eaten in the past. But I didn't. I almost did.

I almost eat cheese I was getting ready for my son and wife for dinner. I almost ate a blob of peanut butter. I almost ate a piece of pizza as I was putting left over pizza away. I almost licked my fingers clean after making food.

I have considered my self a strong person going through this diet. But make no mistakes I am not a strong person when it comes to food. I have worried in the past that my strength would not get me through this and that I would fall off and fall off hard. Today was the closest to that I have come since I started to going off plan. Today was the hard pull I have had to deal with my whole life. Most times I didn't care about the pull and just enjoyed food, but I can't do that moving forward. So I am glad I had to face this, and I am glad I did what I needed to do. If I can face what I had to face today and come out of it being able to be proud of myself I have to believe, and I have to know that I can do this.

-Jon