Learning about myself (day 15)

Key stats: Morning BG 84, 30 minutes on the bike in the morning, 30 minutes in the evening. 4 shakes, 1 bar, no off eating.

Today I got to learn about hunger and cravings. I went to a birthday party for a 2 year old and pizza and cupcakes were being served. Cupcakes were easy, I avoided cupcakes once before so that just made it easier. The pizza however proved to be a challenge.

I know I was not hungry. That pizza looked so good though. And my head started to tell myself that I was starving. I really could have sat down and just ate the whole thing. But I was not hungry, why did the sight of the pizza make me want to eat? Certainly stress played a part, today was a very difficult day at work for me and my normal stress reaction to to eat. Certainly old habits played a part as pizza has always been my go to, can eat any time, always makes me happy food. At one point I was in the kitchen all by myself looking at the closed pizza boxes and thinking I could just eat one piece. What would one piece be in the grand scheme of things. I would probaly still lose weight and would be just fine. Why not just have the one piece? But I know it would not have been one piece, and one time. I do not want to fall down the slippery slope. If I fail at this I know I will need to face surgery to get and be healthy.

I wish I didn't have to struggle like this with eating. I hope at some point I can figure out why I eat when I shouldn't. Why cravings can trigger the feeling of hunger? Do other people go through this? Do other normal weight people just deal with that feeling better? Have I just been weak my whole life?

To make matters worse, getting on the bike tonight was a chore. I just wanted to go to bed and get some sleep. But I didn't. I went downstairs, I rode my bike, and now I am sitting here writing this blog. I am going to do this. I am going to find a way to break my relationship with food. I am going to make exercise a normal part of my life. I am going to figure this out. I can do this.

-Jon

P.S. I got my first comment from a person I don't know. I loved getting that comment and knowing people were reading my blog. Feel free to leave a comment below, and share this blog with anyone who might benefit from it.I have not found my site yet with a google search. I guess I have to start posting the address in places to try and increase the chances of some one finding this.