Fear of Failure

I can not shake a feeling today. I have been thinking about failure. Part of it was triggered from being part of an online facebook support group for Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. There is everything from big success stories to pre-op patients, and of note for this post failures.

I knew the success rate for the surgery was not 100%. I think in the medical world there is no such thing as 100% effective. It is just previous to joining these support groups I had never heard of anyone not being successful.

So I'll break down the reasons for failure from what I have gathered from posts. First off the failures are far far far outnumbered by the successes. At nearly 10 to 1. So it seems the failures come from people giving up on the diets assigned to us "sleevers." I guess maybe that is what scares me the most because keeping to the diet for the long term has always been my biggest issue.

The sleeve as we where told in class and in appointments is only a tool. It is a powerful tool, but one that we have to use properly. If I choose to start grazing and eating junk food again, I can make the tool not work. The trouble is I crave the junky food, all the time, and have always been able to eat all day long.

So what I am doing to deal with this fear? Well first of all I am working on finding a counselor to talk to. I think finding comfort in food is something that I will need to replace. Second the surgery at least for now is really helping me deal with being able to eat all the time. If I am drinking my water like I have to to keep hydrated eating is almost a chore because I have no room. Third- and almost the most important part is dedication.

I am going to be dedicated to this. I had my body permanently altered in order to be healthy. I am told to focus on protein first, so I am going to do that. I am told to limit my carbs, and I am going to do that. I have found a good app on my phone for tracking my food. I have set my daily goals to not be a calorie goal, but instead a macronutriant goal. I am going to stay dedicated to entering every bit of food I put in my mouth and make sure I am meeting my goals and not exceeding them. This of course means setting achievable goals, which I plan to work with the dietitian on.

I know this is a long road and I am barely on the first step. Right now the road looks like it goes straight up a mountain and I really have no idea if the road ever levels out. However I started on this path and I am committed to walking it. I am sure there will be days that I stray off the path. There will be time I fall down and go backwards... but I am going to walk this path.

-Jon