Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minute bike ride, 30 minute walk.
Today a co-worker hit his 5 year anniversary For some reason as we have never done this before they had a informal celebration and donuts were brought in. Really good donuts from Greenbush Bakery. If you have never had donuts from Greenbush you are missing out. I didn't have a single one though. Wasn't even tempted. I have also renamed donuts fat pills- maybe that helped a bit. They did look good though. I am really proud of myself.
I have over done exercise this week. My legs are sore. Tomorrow is a day off. The bad part about that is that I really enjoy the exercise. My bike ride this morning while a bit cold was really peaceful. Other than fighting the gears while trying to climb a big hill (the gearing on the bike drives me insane the shifts are really clunky when hill climbing) it was really nice. I didn't even feel too ridiculous wearing my bike shorts.
Today when I stepped on the scale (my unofficial weight scale) I hit 245. That makes a total of 110 pounds since I started my weight loss journey. This journey has not been smooth or easy. But I am down 110. I am impressed and proud- and still a bit scared of the future to be honest. But after this far traveled I have to find the way to keep traveling down the healthy life path. I can do this.
-Jon
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Balancing Life (day 82)
Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 20 minutes on the bike, 34 minute walk, 30 minutes in the pool.
I cranked out a full 500 meters of front crawl with no rests. I had been alternating front crawl with breast stroke because my arm strength would give out after about 100 meters. I am really proud of doing this. I hated that I had faded so far that 500 meters was not possible without switching strokes. I am proud of my ability to swim, and having it fade that far from what I used to be able to do really made me feel bad. I feel like I am getting back a piece of my 14 year old in great shape good swimmer self. Just a part though, I am sure my 14 year old self would kick my butt in the pool right now- but I'll get it back.
Cravings, and the want to eat was less today. Not once did I feel like I wanted to eat off, or binge, or fall back into old habits. Maybe just writing about it and acknowledging it was what I needed to do. I know all of the writing I have been doing has to be helping me in the long run. I might not be the most interesting blog to read- but I doubt any other writer is getting as much out of it as I am. Maybe the same- but it can't really be more.
I am still looking for the way to balance life. I have to my a father, a husband, an engineer, and now an active person. I am adding a piece to my life that has to be in the top 4 of my priorities. Maybe I am just looking at it the wrong way. Some days being active will be number 1, most days it will likely be number 4 (at least if I want to keep my family and job happy). But making sure that number 4 stays important needs to be done. I am sure I can figure it out- and I know my family is going to help as much as they can. After all, I can do this, but I can not do this alone.
-Jon
I cranked out a full 500 meters of front crawl with no rests. I had been alternating front crawl with breast stroke because my arm strength would give out after about 100 meters. I am really proud of doing this. I hated that I had faded so far that 500 meters was not possible without switching strokes. I am proud of my ability to swim, and having it fade that far from what I used to be able to do really made me feel bad. I feel like I am getting back a piece of my 14 year old in great shape good swimmer self. Just a part though, I am sure my 14 year old self would kick my butt in the pool right now- but I'll get it back.
Cravings, and the want to eat was less today. Not once did I feel like I wanted to eat off, or binge, or fall back into old habits. Maybe just writing about it and acknowledging it was what I needed to do. I know all of the writing I have been doing has to be helping me in the long run. I might not be the most interesting blog to read- but I doubt any other writer is getting as much out of it as I am. Maybe the same- but it can't really be more.
I am still looking for the way to balance life. I have to my a father, a husband, an engineer, and now an active person. I am adding a piece to my life that has to be in the top 4 of my priorities. Maybe I am just looking at it the wrong way. Some days being active will be number 1, most days it will likely be number 4 (at least if I want to keep my family and job happy). But making sure that number 4 stays important needs to be done. I am sure I can figure it out- and I know my family is going to help as much as they can. After all, I can do this, but I can not do this alone.
-Jon
Monday, May 6, 2013
Still a lot to figure out (day 81)
Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minute run/walk.
I feel bad. Life is getting in the way of me getting my 60 minutes of exercise in. My son is being difficult, and I feel bad for leaving my wife home with a difficult son all last week so I think I am over compensating by making sure my wife doesn't have to deal with him alone. Of course as I look at the clock and he is staying in bed and it is only 8PM I figure I could still get some exercise in. I also think that since I mowed the lawn tonight maybe I should call today good enough. Lets see how I feel after I get writing this blog. Maybe I'll just get to bed early so that I can wake up early for my bike ride tomorrow. I plan to get up a half hour early to make sure I have time to ride before work.
Onto the topic of this post. While making dinner for the family tonight I had many bad thoughts going through my head. I wanted to eat- and keep eating. I wanted to feel stuffed. I thought about eating a pile of the bars, drinking a bunch of shakes- or having a bunch of chicken broth. I didn't feel stressed, or bored, or sad, or really any emotion I can find. I just wanted food. I just wanted to feel full. I have been dealing with that and thinking about over eating for about a week now. It started while on the road and I thought it was just to do with being bored, but now that I am home I think it might be deeper than that. I am allowed to eat a real meal once or twice a month at this stage but had decided not to do that... maybe I should? It would let me try what salad tastes like, which is a weird thing for me to be thinking about eating. Anyone reading- have you gone through something similar? No matter what I am not going to do anything about it until after Thursday. I hope that I can figure out what is triggering this want and deal with that. Honestly now that I typed that out it would be much better for me in the long run to figure this out than it would be to eat something- no matter how healthy.
It really hit home for today, with all of the celebration of being smaller, and all of the exercise I am adding in- I still feel like I am not closer to figuring out why I ate the way I did- and how to not eat that way after this is done. For all of the times I have written that I can do this when it comes down to it I really don't know how I am going to do it. Will I always have to fight temptation? Can I find a healthy way to give into temptation? Do non-over-eaters have to think about dealing with temptation? I know from the past that just losing weight doesn't mean I will keep the weight off. I have to figure this out. I have to "fix" what is broken in me. It is just hard to get to the root when the broken part is what I need working to figure out how to fix it. And maybe fix it isn't the right way to go about this- but that is what I do I fix. I used to do it for a living. Not having anything to fix is really the part of my current job that I miss the most. So I have to fix me. I have to fix nearly 30 years of bad habits. I have to fix nearly 30 years of being fat. Why am I surprised that I don't have it figured out 81 days in? I guess when you look at it that way it is kind of silly to be stressing out over.
For my benefit here is what I know now that I never knew before I started this. I really can say no to treats. My stomach really will tell me when to eat, and when not to eat. Most of the time in the past when I felt hungry it was really a craving. Not being fat feels great. I don't have to live with a disease that will age me faster than I should. I can be healthy. I can be a person who is happy in his own body. I can be a person who looks in the mirror and sees his true self. I can do this.
-Jon
I feel bad. Life is getting in the way of me getting my 60 minutes of exercise in. My son is being difficult, and I feel bad for leaving my wife home with a difficult son all last week so I think I am over compensating by making sure my wife doesn't have to deal with him alone. Of course as I look at the clock and he is staying in bed and it is only 8PM I figure I could still get some exercise in. I also think that since I mowed the lawn tonight maybe I should call today good enough. Lets see how I feel after I get writing this blog. Maybe I'll just get to bed early so that I can wake up early for my bike ride tomorrow. I plan to get up a half hour early to make sure I have time to ride before work.
Onto the topic of this post. While making dinner for the family tonight I had many bad thoughts going through my head. I wanted to eat- and keep eating. I wanted to feel stuffed. I thought about eating a pile of the bars, drinking a bunch of shakes- or having a bunch of chicken broth. I didn't feel stressed, or bored, or sad, or really any emotion I can find. I just wanted food. I just wanted to feel full. I have been dealing with that and thinking about over eating for about a week now. It started while on the road and I thought it was just to do with being bored, but now that I am home I think it might be deeper than that. I am allowed to eat a real meal once or twice a month at this stage but had decided not to do that... maybe I should? It would let me try what salad tastes like, which is a weird thing for me to be thinking about eating. Anyone reading- have you gone through something similar? No matter what I am not going to do anything about it until after Thursday. I hope that I can figure out what is triggering this want and deal with that. Honestly now that I typed that out it would be much better for me in the long run to figure this out than it would be to eat something- no matter how healthy.
It really hit home for today, with all of the celebration of being smaller, and all of the exercise I am adding in- I still feel like I am not closer to figuring out why I ate the way I did- and how to not eat that way after this is done. For all of the times I have written that I can do this when it comes down to it I really don't know how I am going to do it. Will I always have to fight temptation? Can I find a healthy way to give into temptation? Do non-over-eaters have to think about dealing with temptation? I know from the past that just losing weight doesn't mean I will keep the weight off. I have to figure this out. I have to "fix" what is broken in me. It is just hard to get to the root when the broken part is what I need working to figure out how to fix it. And maybe fix it isn't the right way to go about this- but that is what I do I fix. I used to do it for a living. Not having anything to fix is really the part of my current job that I miss the most. So I have to fix me. I have to fix nearly 30 years of bad habits. I have to fix nearly 30 years of being fat. Why am I surprised that I don't have it figured out 81 days in? I guess when you look at it that way it is kind of silly to be stressing out over.
For my benefit here is what I know now that I never knew before I started this. I really can say no to treats. My stomach really will tell me when to eat, and when not to eat. Most of the time in the past when I felt hungry it was really a craving. Not being fat feels great. I don't have to live with a disease that will age me faster than I should. I can be healthy. I can be a person who is happy in his own body. I can be a person who looks in the mirror and sees his true self. I can do this.
-Jon
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Gaining even more confidence (day 80)
Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minutes in the pool and a bike ride to the park for a picnic.
I got back in the pool today for the first time in over a week. It felt great. First- my spandex suit fits really well over my waist. The last time I wore it it didn't fit as well as it should but it did today. I am shrinking. Second I was able to crank out a 500 meter ladder again today- and it didn't kill me nearly as much as it did the last time I did it.
Going for the bike ride with my family for a dinner picnic was another thing I have gained since starting this journey. We got my wife a new bike so that she doesn't have to ride her hold unsafe bike any more. I think she really likes it, and I really picked it out for her. So that makes me feel good. Plus it makes for a perfect Bereaved Mothers day/ Mothers Day present for her. I love being able to become an active family.
I took a good form running class today. I found the source of my pain in running- now I just have to completely change the way I run- no big deal. I mean what is 31 years of muscle memory compared to a 90 minute class- no problem. Well ok, I guess it is going to be a bunch of hard work but I have my starting point. The running class gave me a huge boast in my belief in being able to run. I really am starting to think I can do that.
Oh and I went out a purchased that large coat that fit me. I own and can wear a large coat. LARGE. That just needed to be said again. I wonder if I am going to get to start buying large shirts? I am still feeling a bit big in XL shirts so who knows. I can do this.
-Jon
I got back in the pool today for the first time in over a week. It felt great. First- my spandex suit fits really well over my waist. The last time I wore it it didn't fit as well as it should but it did today. I am shrinking. Second I was able to crank out a 500 meter ladder again today- and it didn't kill me nearly as much as it did the last time I did it.
Going for the bike ride with my family for a dinner picnic was another thing I have gained since starting this journey. We got my wife a new bike so that she doesn't have to ride her hold unsafe bike any more. I think she really likes it, and I really picked it out for her. So that makes me feel good. Plus it makes for a perfect Bereaved Mothers day/ Mothers Day present for her. I love being able to become an active family.
I took a good form running class today. I found the source of my pain in running- now I just have to completely change the way I run- no big deal. I mean what is 31 years of muscle memory compared to a 90 minute class- no problem. Well ok, I guess it is going to be a bunch of hard work but I have my starting point. The running class gave me a huge boast in my belief in being able to run. I really am starting to think I can do that.
Oh and I went out a purchased that large coat that fit me. I own and can wear a large coat. LARGE. That just needed to be said again. I wonder if I am going to get to start buying large shirts? I am still feeling a bit big in XL shirts so who knows. I can do this.
-Jon
Saturday, May 4, 2013
A broken toe? (day 78 and 79)
Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating- a day of travel and a day of rest (no formal exercise)
Sorry for missing the post yesterday. I got in late from my travels and was too tired and forgot to post.
I am so glad this long week on the road is over. Back to routine should have started today, but a trip to Urgent care stopped that. On Monday while trying to leave the house as quiet as I could I ended up slipping on the stairs in the dark (and making a bunch of noise). This slip left my big toe in sad shape. I never really had pain after the first day unless the toe got touched. But after 5 days of the toe not getting better, and in some ways getting worse I thought I better look into what it means to break a toe. Well after reading that having a broken big toe heal bad could make you need surgery I thought I had better get this looked at. Of course the only time I could really go was during my swimming time- so no swimming. Happy to report that my toe is not broken! It is just sore :(.
Tomorrow I go to good form running at Fleet Feet in Madison. I hope to pick up some good information on running form, and maybe come away with some people to run with. I really hope I am not the worst runner in the class. I know I shouldn't be but I am still very self conscious about being over weight. I find that when I tell people about my weight loss I always add "I still have a long way to go" and that statement is true- but not in the way people hear it. In truth the weight I need to lose isn't all that much compared to where I came from. If this was my starting weight I wouldn't be allowed into the VLCD program. But I do have a long way to go because I have a life time of food habits to over come. I have a life of not exercising to change. I am on the path, and there is light at the end of the tunnel- it is just still a very small light and some days it does not seem to get any bigger no matter how hard it feels like I am running at it. So I feel like I really do have a long way to go.
I had to go to the store tonight and get some pants. I had dress pants, and shorts, but no casual pants. I love being able to shop at normal stores and not have to find the big and tall section. While there I saw some spring/fall jackets and decided to try a few on to see where I stand with jackets. To my surprise the XL jackets were just too loose. XL was too big... So I tried on a L- dear god a large fit me. Now I am used to being LARGE not fitting in Large clothes. I almost purchased it just because it fit. But I still think I have inches to lose- many of them in fact so I decided against it.
So I am learning more about running, I read about biking nearly every chance I get, and I love swimming.. I guess I should just own up to it and say I am going to do a triathlon The running just scares me. I am sure I can build up the biking, I know I can do the swimming- but running just has never been my thing. I always said I just don't have the frame for running- it worked as a good excuse. Well I am not ready to give that excuse up yet- lets see if I can run a mile before I commit to running. I can do that- I will set that as my goal- I am going to run a mile. I can do that. I can lose this weight, I can keep it off. I can get healthy. I can do this.
-Jon
Sorry for missing the post yesterday. I got in late from my travels and was too tired and forgot to post.
I am so glad this long week on the road is over. Back to routine should have started today, but a trip to Urgent care stopped that. On Monday while trying to leave the house as quiet as I could I ended up slipping on the stairs in the dark (and making a bunch of noise). This slip left my big toe in sad shape. I never really had pain after the first day unless the toe got touched. But after 5 days of the toe not getting better, and in some ways getting worse I thought I better look into what it means to break a toe. Well after reading that having a broken big toe heal bad could make you need surgery I thought I had better get this looked at. Of course the only time I could really go was during my swimming time- so no swimming. Happy to report that my toe is not broken! It is just sore :(.
Tomorrow I go to good form running at Fleet Feet in Madison. I hope to pick up some good information on running form, and maybe come away with some people to run with. I really hope I am not the worst runner in the class. I know I shouldn't be but I am still very self conscious about being over weight. I find that when I tell people about my weight loss I always add "I still have a long way to go" and that statement is true- but not in the way people hear it. In truth the weight I need to lose isn't all that much compared to where I came from. If this was my starting weight I wouldn't be allowed into the VLCD program. But I do have a long way to go because I have a life time of food habits to over come. I have a life of not exercising to change. I am on the path, and there is light at the end of the tunnel- it is just still a very small light and some days it does not seem to get any bigger no matter how hard it feels like I am running at it. So I feel like I really do have a long way to go.
I had to go to the store tonight and get some pants. I had dress pants, and shorts, but no casual pants. I love being able to shop at normal stores and not have to find the big and tall section. While there I saw some spring/fall jackets and decided to try a few on to see where I stand with jackets. To my surprise the XL jackets were just too loose. XL was too big... So I tried on a L- dear god a large fit me. Now I am used to being LARGE not fitting in Large clothes. I almost purchased it just because it fit. But I still think I have inches to lose- many of them in fact so I decided against it.
So I am learning more about running, I read about biking nearly every chance I get, and I love swimming.. I guess I should just own up to it and say I am going to do a triathlon The running just scares me. I am sure I can build up the biking, I know I can do the swimming- but running just has never been my thing. I always said I just don't have the frame for running- it worked as a good excuse. Well I am not ready to give that excuse up yet- lets see if I can run a mile before I commit to running. I can do that- I will set that as my goal- I am going to run a mile. I can do that. I can lose this weight, I can keep it off. I can get healthy. I can do this.
-Jon
Friday, May 3, 2013
A delayed post (day 77)
Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 20 minutes on the treadmill.
I think the lack of sleep while on the road is catching up with me. I never sleep well on the road and this trip has been no exception. I went to exercise last night and for lack of a better term "bonked". I couldn't get much running in, so I just walked for most of the time. And I didn't get the blog written last night like I should have I just wanted to go to sleep.
This would have been a big eating day for me in the past. I felt hungry nearly all night. I think lack of energy is another eating trigger for me. I am glad to go through days like yesterday though, it lets me examine all sorts of different triggers. Dealing with the triggers inside of this ketosis bubble should give me tools to deal with them outside of the bubble.... I hope. No I hope is not right, it has to give me the tools- I know.
I am looking forward to getting home, even if it is going to be a long day for me to get home. Tomorrow I get to take my son to swimming lessons, get to kiss my wife (and take the single parent load off of her shoulders), and get back to my routine. I can not recommend enough for anyone who wants to do a VLCD diet- be boring. Get into a routine, add the exercise on day one, and do not deviate. It makes this plan so much easier. And for me it lets me really identify the triggers that come when I get off of routine. I never thought I could do something like this. I thought I would fall apart the first time I had to deal with temptation- just like I had every other time. But I am doing it and learning so much about myself. If I can do this- and I can - you can do this too.
-Jon
I think the lack of sleep while on the road is catching up with me. I never sleep well on the road and this trip has been no exception. I went to exercise last night and for lack of a better term "bonked". I couldn't get much running in, so I just walked for most of the time. And I didn't get the blog written last night like I should have I just wanted to go to sleep.
This would have been a big eating day for me in the past. I felt hungry nearly all night. I think lack of energy is another eating trigger for me. I am glad to go through days like yesterday though, it lets me examine all sorts of different triggers. Dealing with the triggers inside of this ketosis bubble should give me tools to deal with them outside of the bubble.... I hope. No I hope is not right, it has to give me the tools- I know.
I am looking forward to getting home, even if it is going to be a long day for me to get home. Tomorrow I get to take my son to swimming lessons, get to kiss my wife (and take the single parent load off of her shoulders), and get back to my routine. I can not recommend enough for anyone who wants to do a VLCD diet- be boring. Get into a routine, add the exercise on day one, and do not deviate. It makes this plan so much easier. And for me it lets me really identify the triggers that come when I get off of routine. I never thought I could do something like this. I thought I would fall apart the first time I had to deal with temptation- just like I had every other time. But I am doing it and learning so much about myself. If I can do this- and I can - you can do this too.
-Jon
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Stress triggers (day 76)
Key Stats: All BG's normal. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minutes on the bike.
I found out today that instead of coming home tomorrow or even Friday I am going to be stuck on the road until the weekend. That puts a ton of stress on my home life. It puts a ton of stress on my wife who has to be home alone with our son. I have to be away from my son and my wife. And it triggered hunger. Hunger like I have not had to deal with in a long time. I didn't eat off but I hated having to fight it. I guess learning to fight unneeded hunger is a big lesson so I should count this as a win really.
So why didn't I eat? Well I have accomplished a lot so far, and I am not going to let crappy news sink my progress. I am trying so hard to let real hunger dictate when I eat. Every time i resist head hunger I get stronger. And today made me stronger. Of course I didn't feel strong when it was going on. But I did it. If I can win today, I can win tomorrow. If I can not let stress dictate my eating today, I can do the same tomorrow. I can do this.
-Jon
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