Back on schedule (day 115 and 116)

Key stats: 3 shakes 1 bar, and 1 meal with 2 cups veggies and 4 oz of protein. 60 minutes exercise each day.

Back on schedule. It works as the title of the blog and as the first sentance. The schedule I refer to is of course exercise. It was missing from my schedule in too large of an extent for too long. Really happy to be back at it. The ride this morning really made me feel good.

Adding foods in has been a bit nerve racking. I have to do a lot more planning, and a lot more thinking than with the shakes and bars. But it is doable. So far salads have been my most common meal. I am not sure when I will get over the shock of enjoying salads but for now each one is a surprise when I enjoy it. With each one I really try to add new veggies that I have never had before. Today I added in raddish. I was not a huge fan of them the way I had them, but I think they would be better shaved instead of in larger chips. So I'll get them for home and make them that way.

Tomorrow starts a new week for transition and a new food. I get to add dairy and a healthy fat. I'll also be dropping one shake. Each week is a new challenge and new foods. Each week shows me more and more that I really can do this.

-Jon

More new foods (day 113 and 114)

Key Stats: 3 shakes 1 bar and Cedar Plank Salmon with green beans on day 113, with 30 minute swim and a 40 minute walk. 3 shakes, 1 bar and ham steak with fire roasted veggies, 3 hours of canoeing.

Sorry for the missed post yesterday. It is getting harder to write these blogs posts since I am running out of things to talk about.

Here are pictures of the two meals I mentioned above. I loved both of them.

Both where new territory for me. First the fish- I've never made fish before. The second one was all the veggies on the grill. The best part of keeping to a plate style dinner- I can not eat fast. It takes forever to eat 2 cups of veggies. You can not do it fast. I think one of my big problems before was eating so fast all of the time that I never got the full feeling. Now I need to keep that in mind and not work on eating faster.

I also switched to a new brand of shakes today. I still have a bit of the old shakes to finish off, but I love my new shakes. The flavor is cookies and cream and it is so much thiner than what I was drinking. It was refreshing. I am really finding that eating healthy can fit into my life. I really can find a way to eat healthy and enjoy it. I really can do this.

-Jon

Trying new foods (day 112)

Key Stats: 3 shakes 1 bar, 1 salad. No formal exercise.

I am trying all sorts of new foods. New foods for today are cherry tomato, artichoke hearts, and orange pepper. The tomato was not that good, the artichoke heart I think would be better cooked, and the pepper was good. Oh I guess I also tried spring mix lettuce and spinach. Both were great.

Still in a bit of a funk for exercise. Tomorrow will be the re-start to my exercise. If the weather is nice in the morning it will be a bike ride, otherwise it will be swim before work. I really want the weather to get nice again so that I can get back out on the bike more. Taking my family for bike rides was just so much fun, but we can't really take my son to the park when the park is wet or when it is raining. I know it will get nice again, but I want it nice again now.

Weight loss for the week was crappy. Just one pound. I am not too upset about it though. I still lost weight, I added in real food, and I know part of that is lack of exercise. Next week will be a better week. I have had crappy weight loss weeks before, and I am sure I will have crappy weeks in the future. It is part of living life. I can figure out how to live life healthy, I can do this.

-Jon

Getting into the new groove (day 111)

Key Stats: 3 shakes, 1 bar, 1 salad. No formal exercise.

Had another salad tonight. No reason to put a picture up since it was an exact copy of what I had last night sans mushrooms as we had none. I am really enjoying salad which is just such an odd thing to type. I still look forward to adding in some tasty dressings when I get a chance.

No real exercise today, had something taking up my time in the morning after my wife woke up, rain during lunch, and today is my wife's night out to get a massage. So I'll get back at it tomorrow. I have been taking too many breaks lately from exercise so I need to turn that back around. It has really been hard though with feeling crappy. I think that eating has started to turn that lack of energy around.

Bringing food back into the mix has also brought an old enemy back- temptation. I had been thinking that I could just skip a few weeks in the transition- hell I could handle it no problem. Glad I didn't act on anything like that. Also glad to face the temptation while in the bubble still. I still have a very detailed plan, I am still in ketosis, so I know this hunger has to be coming from my head and no were else. I have faced down the temptation for today- so I can do it tomorrow. And the day after that and after that- I can do this.

-Jon

I ate real food (day 110)

Key Stats: 3 shakes 1 bar, 4 oz boiled chicken and two cups of salad. 30 minute walk, 30 minute swim.

Well after I wrote last nights blog I got a message from the doc. The recommendation was to start transition. So today I put that plan into action. So for dinner I boiled some chicken in chicken broth with onion and red pepper, while my wife shredded some lettuce. Then adding in cucumbers, mushrooms, red pepper, zucchini, and carrots.  Here is the salad.

I am 32 years old, turning 33 this month. This is the first salad I have ever eaten in my life. I can not believe I have missed out on this my entire life. Maybe it took the 109 days of just shakes and bars to make me see it but the flavor of this was amazing. This was with no dressing either. I am sure with a tasty dressing added a dinner like this could become a personal favorite. I look forward to adding more and more to a plate like this. Maybe some raisins, or orange or apple... god I am excited about salad. It was really that good.

But today started the next leg of my journey. Bringing real food back in. My fear has been that even after all the shakes and bars healthy food would not taste good. My fear was that I would go straight back to all of the unhealthy food I had been eating because it was the only thing that tasted good. My fear was not needed- dinner tonight confirmed for me... I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

Feeling off (day 108 and 109)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar each day. At least 30 min exercise both days

I had to turn down the exercise in the last couple of days. For some reason my energy level has dropped significantly and has stayed dropped. And now when I stand up I get very light headed. I messaged the clinic yesterday instead of writing my blog- but got no response today. I meant to call them but with the business of work I didn't remember to call. If I don't hear anything from them by noon tomorrow I will have to start making some phone calls. I don't know what is going on with my body, but it is not happy. I have a feeling I'll be eating real food sooner than next Friday like I had planned. Also I am not losing much weight this week. I think that is from the lower activity levels.

Otherwise I am honestly doing just fine. I watched my wife eat what looked like a super tasty left over meal of the kabobs I made the other day. I am still surprised when I see vegetables looking so good. I am so excited to eat some. That just feels weird to type. But as I was looking at my wife eating the only thought I had was it needed more veggies.

This program truly has changed the way I think about food. I will need to cement those changes in for a good long time to make them permanent changes, but the foundation has been laid. I can learn how to be a healthy eater, and a healthy person. I can make the changes I need to make, and make them permanent. I can do this.

-Jon

A good meal (day 107)

Key Stats: 4.5 shakes 1 bar, a bite of onion, red pepper, mushroom and zucchini, 45 minute bike ride.

So I guess technically I ate off today. I was feeling crappy and low energy still from yesterday and from the bike ride this morning so I made a 3 scoop shake. Then after making what I thought was a great looking dinner of kabobs I decided I had to find out what the vegetables tasted like. I am so excited to start eating- I made a healthy dinner that looked and tasted amazing. My wife wanted to add more seasoning to the mix, but for me the small bites I took of each of the vegetables was amazing flavor. I can't wait until I get to make that again- but this time for me.

I am hoping to get over this lack of energy funk I have been in for the last couple of days. I don't know if it is a combination of not sleeping, plus this long on VLCD, or what else could be contributing- but lately I have felt like crap. Maybe I am just fighting off some sort of sickness. I can't help but think my body is just done with only eating the shakes and bars. Or maybe it is all just in my head because I want to start eating real food again. Either way- I have gotten to a good weight, I have accomplished a lot on the hard core part of the diet and I really feel like I have learned a lot about my eating and the way I think about food. I feel like I am ready to learn the next part of this- how to eat in the real world. I am going to take it week by week just as the program recommends and I am going to learn everything I can during the minimum 5 weeks of transition. I am going to become a healthy eater, and I am going to stay a healthy person- I can do this.

-Jon

Getting closer to transition (day 106)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minutes in the pool, 30 minute walk, mowing the lawn, and riding on the bike to park with the kid in the trailer.

I think I over did it. It is 8:30 and I am dragging ass really bad right now. I think for this reason more than any other I am looking forward to starting in on real food. No more crashes like this. I probaly should add a shake in today but it is already so late in the day that I don't want to eat again.

With that in mind, I have decided that no matter what weight I get to, I start to transition next week after class. So my first real food will be Friday June 7th for dinner. It is going to be chicken on a bed of greens. The hard part starts in just under a week. I have never been this nervous about eating in my life. I have to learn all over again how to eat. I have to teach myself to eat foods I have never eaten before. I watched online how to cook fish; something I have never done.

It all feels a bit overwhelming at this point, but I have confidence. I have a plan, and I have a goal. I am going to keep to the plan the same as I have in the past. I am going to keep working on my goals. I can find a way to stay healthy for the rest of my life- I CAN DO THIS!

-Jon

6 more pounds (day 104 and 105)

Key Stats: 4 shakes and 1 bar each day, no off eating. 30 minutes walking, 30 minutes on the exercise bike each day.


Well I am back home. Sorry for not writing yesterday, but being on the road takes me out of my routine and I forgot to write. All is good though- I stayed on routine for food.

I lost 6 pounds last week. That takes me within 9 pounds of my transition goal weight. That really means that I think this will be my last week on full VLCD. I have the materials for transition and I am really looking forward to starting that.

With that in mind- I need food cooking ideas. Please if you are reading this post some healthy recipes that you know about. Or link me to some websites with good ideas. The first week of transition is one meal per day of 4oz of lean protein and 2 cups of non-starchy vegetables. In the first week I can't add much to the food in the way of seasonings, but I'll listen to ideas. As the weeks go in for transition I get to add more stuff slowly. It is a 5 week process, and it is important to go slow with it for 2 reasons. 1.) My digestive system has not had much to do for the past 105 days 2.) Putting myself onto the slippery slope of food slowly.

I look forward to hopefully reading some ideas from people that I can incorporate into my diet. One more week of shakes and bars then I start easing back into the real world. I can do it.

-Jon

On the road again (day 103)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minute walk, 30 minute bike ride.

Wow, food food food. Free food, good food, desert food. All for the taking, all things I would have indulged in 104 days ago. All things that I need to learn how to eat like a normal person. But all things I am avoiding for now. I still have too much to learn, and too far to go.

On Thursday I start my appointments with the dietitian. This is really the part I have been looking forward to for awhile. I need to learn food again, and learn from scratch. The biggest part in learning is to know what you don't know. How strange it is to think back to before this program, I would not take an appointment with a dietitian because "I know how to eat, I just don't bother to do it, they have nothing to teach me." With the little bit we have talked about food so far in class I know for sure that I am wrong about that. I really know nothing about how to eat and what things I should eat to feed myself in a healthy way. I have to learn, I have to get good at that- I can do it.

-Jon

Not being a fat dad (day 101)

Key Stats: 4 shakes, 1 bar no off eating. 60 minute bike ride.

Today I went to see my mom for lunch. Now I am not going to sit here and blame others for what I had control of myself, but to say me being fat had nothing to do with her would be lying. Again I was an adult, and in control of my food for longer than that and could have done something about it, so it is not her fault, but she had a part in it. It was amazing to watch her bad habits and how easy she tried to pass them onto my son. I had to stop her a number of times and also explain to her what we are doing differently.

I guess that is one of the big reason why I decided it was time to lose weight- I don't want my son to learn fat from me. I watched him look at me and repeat what I was doing in so many different areas. I don't want him to grow up having to feel like I felt being the fat kid. I don't want him to know the sadness of being picked on for eating the only way you know how to eat, and not even knowing how or what to change.

I am happy that I made these changes while he is still so little. He will never remember a fat dad. Some day we will be looking at pictures from when he was born, and before he was born and he will wonder how his dad could have ever looked like that. He will know his dad as a healthy active father. He will know his dad as the man that teaches him to be healthy and active. He will grow up- and know his dad. If for no other reason than that last sentence I know that I can do this.

-Jon

Day 100!

Today is day 100. Lets cover how far I have come.

My starting weight for this program was 324 pounds. On the official scale I am now at 235. That is 89 pounds in less than 100 days (since the official weight is from Thursday night). Fairly amazing if you ask me.

I am an active person now. I exercise nearly every day, at least an hour and I love it. I love the feeling of getting out on my bike. I love pulling laps in the pool. I love my daily walks. I have never in my life enjoyed exercise, and now I love it.

Today I tried on clothes since I thought after 100 days it would be great to know what size I was at. 100 days ago I wore size XXXL shirts. In many brands I needed to get XXXLT just to keep the shirt from pulling up and showing my stomach. My pants were size 44/30, and I wore the waist below my stomach. I did this so that I could feel like I wasn't that large (heck 44 waist is bad, but not horrible) and I would never tuck my shirt in anyways since I was so self conscious about how I looked with such a large stomach. Today is an entirely different story. I tried on size 34/40 pants that fit great. And for my shirt, size Medium fit. MEDIUM! I am not sure, but I bet you have to go back to middle school to find a time when Medium fit me. So that is 10 inches off the pants- and more if I knew how large it was where I wear my pants now. And  4 shirt sizes smaller. Amazing.

Health wise the story gets even better. My blood pressure is much better. I don't need to take any medication for Type II diabetes any more- and my last A1c drawn on Tuesday last week was a 5.0. A 5.0 on A1c is about as normal of a reading as you can possibly get.

Food habits have been reset. If I go back to eating crap food I would have to go out of my way to do it. Right now on TV is a show about BBQ grilling. That should make me want BBQ right? Well I don't. Seeing food like this on TV used to make me want it, and now it doesn't. Right now I am craving a salad. I have never in my life eaten a salad. Just let that sink in- 32 years old and I have never eaten a salad. I am looking forward to eating a salad so bad it is really the only thing that I think I might fail on and eat off with. And I would only do that because as long as I put the right veggies on it, and used the right dressing it would technically fit with the plan. A salad will be the first food I eat when I start my transition, and I am still surprised how much i want one.

So there it is 100 days in a row. That means 400 shakes, and 100 bars. At 750 calories a day I have taken in 75,000 calories. I wish I knew how much time the old me needed to take in 75,000 calories. I will never go back to the old ways, and become the old me. I like this new me too much. I can do this.

-Jon

Back at it (day 99)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 2 bar, no off eating. 30 minute bike ride, 35 minute walk, and a ton of yard work.

Today I felt good for the first time in nearly a week. I think part of that is feeling better physically, the other part is I said I was going to exercise no matter what. And I did exercise, I don't know what made me feel better but I am sure it is a combination of both of them.

Tomorrow is day 100. I am going to have to come up with something special tomorrow. With that in mind I am going to keep today short. Tune in tomorrow for my special 100 days post- maybe 100 days of  I can do it.

-Jon

A plan (day 98)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. No formal exercise (again).

I swear- I am going to start feeling better or I am going to just exercise while being sick. I miss the exercise.

Well down to 235 on the official scale. That means I met my last goal officially today. We set a new goal. I will be on the shakes and bars until 220, then start the transition with a goal of getting to 205 during transition. I feel ready for this, and I am excited.

In the last 98 days I have learned so much about myself and my eating. I have learned about triggers, and unhealthy habits. I have taken the time to examine myself as much as I can. I wrote nearly everyday, and stayed honest with myself and everyone who reads this. I promised my wife 100%, I promised myself 100% and I can say with all honestly that I have given it 100% and it worked. So I just have to keep giving it 100% and everything should be fine right? I don't yet know what the future is going to hold with food and what my meals will look like. Next week I begin meeting with the dietitian on a regular basis to start to really plan that out. I know that the plate method is going to be a part of it. I also know that my old eating has to truly be just that, only my old eating. And really, I know one other important thing- I know I can do it.

-Jon

Practicing my cooking skills (day 97)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. No formal exercise.

Still feeling a bit under the weather so no exercise again today. Hope to be feeling good enough for it tomorrow.

I have the goal of trying to eat with the plate method for meals when I start eating normal food again, so I thought it would be best to start practicing making the types of meals that would fit with that. Tonight was my first real try at that. I took 4oz of chicken and a teaspoon of olive oil with some Soy Sauce and cooked the chicken on the stove top. I made the mushrooms with a bit of olive oil and soy sauce, and put those on top of some steamed green beans. Then because my son loves them and I figured he wouldn't eat this meal all that well I peeled some clementines. I had planned to also make some corn, but forgot the corn. Here is what the plate looked like.

I didn't get to taste any of it of course, but my wife tells me it was not too bad. I will need to find more ways to bring flavor in without adding a bunch of salt as it was a bit too bland but I am sure I can get that figured out. What surprised me the most was how much chicken 4 oz was, and how full a plate can be and still be a healthy plate. 

Tomorrow is class. I hope to have my lab test results back before class so that I can talk about how happy I am with my A1c results. I also think a new goal weight is going to get set, I am curious to find out what that will be. I am enjoying this journey, and I can't wait to keep moving along it. The hard part is getting closer so now my concentration has to start switching to how to keep all this weight I have lost off. I will be so much harder that what I have done so far, but I know that I can do this.

-Jon

Sick (day 96)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. No formal exercise.

Well what ever bug my son had has gone over to me. I spent half the night with the shivers, and half the night hot. I woke up at 2AM and then could not fall back asleep again until nearly 4:30. When the alarm went off at 5:15 I groaned and wanted badly to just go back to sleep.

Since I didn't sleep well, and since today I was doing a fasting blood draw I knew exercise in the morning was out. So no exercise then. No lunch walk because I needed to work straight through lunch because of a client meeting and the pile of work that I have to get done still. And now that I am home I still feel like crap, am over tired, and really do not think exercise would be a good idea considering my energy level. So no exercise today. I hate missing out on my exercise but I do have to be realistic and make sure I get my energy level back up.

Following on with the size large yesterday I really started to notice my XL shirts that I purchased for work are getting to be too big. It feels like I am swimming in them. So when I get a chance I am going to go try on some size large shirts and see how that goes. I never thought when starting this program that I would get smaller than a size XL. I would have told you that just wasn't possible. I have done so much that I didn't think was possible in the last 96 days. I have done so much that I know there is so much more that I can do. I know that I can do this.

-Jon

Size Large (day 95)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minutes bike, 35 minute walk.

Along with my new bike I needed to get some better riding clothes. So we went to the store this weekend to pick some up. I purchased, and fit in size large. I didn't even grab a large to start with, there was just no thought process in my head that said I could fit in a size large. But while wearing the XL my wife said it looked big on me... XL looked big on me. I was blown away. So back to the rack, and size large it was. I am shocked that it fits. Sure it is cycling clothes and they should be tight, but it fit. Now I just have to relearn how to put shirts on, my old method of head first arms second doesn't work so well in my new size. I am used to having much more room to move my arms around in.  Unbelievable. Here is a picture of me in my size large cycling clothes. Spandex be damned it is just more comfortable to ride in. The white part sticking up is not my stomach, it is part of the bibs, I wish that had not gotten in to the picture.

I was thinking about how much exercise has become part of my life. Before I started this I was addicted to many different foods. Now instead of wanting food to make myself feel better I want exercise to make myself feel better. I have thought about speeding up when I transition just so I am not so calorie limited and can exercise more. I decided against it, but the thought was tempting. I feel like I need more time away from the foods I was eating every day. I need more time to break relationships and bad habits. I still have more weight to lose. But I also need to learn how to eat all over again. If I had a complaint about my program it would be that we spend so much time talking about over eating, but hardly any time talking how to eat. I don't understand why that is. But I will work on it, and I am working on it. I will get it figured out, I will learn. I will be the person I need to be to stay here and be here for my family. I can do this.

-Jon

Finding time (day 93 and 94)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar each day, no off eating. 1 hour bike ride Saturday, 30 minutes in the pool Sunday.

Sorry for the missed post, but getting things ready for 3 kids coming over stopped me from posting Saturday night.

So Saturday taught me an important lesson, one I am sure my wife will not let me forget. Earlier in the week I purchased a new bike. A bike that is much more suited for the type of riding I am doing, and one that will I hope let me train for and ride in a 100 mile bike ride. I had planned to take it out Saturday for a long ride since I had been able to get out for short rides to make sure I knew how to ride it well. But time and energy became an issue. My wife wanted to go for a family bike ride, which I was hesitant to do- a family ride just didn't feel like it was going to be the type of exercise I wanted, plus since I pull the trailer I couldn't really take the new bike. But after understanding what type of ride my wife wanted to go on (not a short ride to a park, but a long bike ride) I said ok. I still was ready to be disappointed in how much exercise I got, and knew getting exercise in later in the day was going to be a problem. I was wrong. We rode nearly 8 miles and with having to pull the weight of the trailer and the weight of my son I was beat. We never rode as fast as I ride, and the 8 miles took way longer than it normally takes me, but I got my work out in plus some. In fact the unofficial scale is telling me I over did it since I didn't lose any weight. I really should add an extra shake in on days when I worry that I over did it.

Sunday was fun. We had some of my son's friends come over the house for a movie and lunch. I made a bunch of food for it, and got to watch my son have fun. It is days like today that make me know I am doing the right thing. I want to keep seeing days like today. I want to watch him grow older. I want to watch him with a real girlfriend and not just another toddler girl we joke is his girlfriend. I am doing all of this for those reasons. I grew up with no father, and I promised myself at an early age I would never put a child through that. So when I ride my bike, or swim, or turn down food I shouldn't eat... I am doing it to make sure I keep that promise. A promise I was not doing what I needed to do to keep in the past. A promise that I will from this day forward make sure I am always doing what I can to keep. I can do this, I can keep that promise to myself.

-Jon

Making time for everything (day 92)

Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 35 minute walk, 30 minutes in the pool.

Today did not go the way I wanted it to. It was suppose to be a morning swim day, a afternoon walk, and hopefully a evening bike ride. Instead it was nothing in the morning, a walk, and swim in the evening. I don't feel bad about it though- things changed because of family obligations.

When I over ate I got to spend more time with my family, but in reality I was being much more selfish than I am going away from the family to exercise. My family used to have to follow my eating patterns, and my cravings. My family had to watch me getting more and more unhealthy. My family had to worry about what to do if and when I died an early death, a path I was no doubt on. But I didn't care, all I wanted was to eat and be happy. It didn't feel selfish, but it was.

Now when I have to leave to go exercise it feels very selfish, but really it isn't. Sure the family is still going to have to follow my new eating patterns, at least to some extent- but those eating patterns are what they really should be eating this time. My family won't have me controlling our entertainment budget with going out to eat. My family gets to watch me get healthier and healthier. My family doesn't have to worry about an early death for me- I have stepped off that path. Sure, I will miss out on time with my family while I am exercising, but being healthy is going to make the time spent with them that much better. That is something worth working for- that is something I can do.

-Jon

All or nothing (day 91)

Key Stats: 20 minute bike ride, 35 minute walk. 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. Official scale at 239- 8 pounds off for the week.

Today was a good day at class, we learned basically why the diet mentality is harmful. But I found myself in a very strange position- you see one of my core tenets is that I am an all or nothing person when it comes to weight loss. That really didn't sit well with me during class. All or nothing is who I am, when I get into something I get immersed in it, it is one of the things that makes me a geek (a geek is compliment and how I make my living is because of that). It is what makes me well... me. So hearing that is what can hurt you, well hurt me. But I did a lot of thinking about that since class ended and I started writing this. I was all or nothing on diets before- but this time is different.

You see this time I went all in. There was no or nothing, nothing was not an option I gave myself. So this diet is working. But it won't work long term. I think I have learned that that in this part of life it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I don't have to be perfect- I can't explain why it feels so much different than it did before, but I just don't have to be. I am still going to strive for it. Damn right I am going to try and have a "perfect" diet what ever that means. Damn right I am going to avoid the foods that are not the best choices. Damn right I am going to avoid slippery slopes. And damn right if I slip and fall and eat what I should not it is not going to become nothing. All has to include slips, all has to include not being perfect. That is the all or nothing, and the all in I can make work. All is doing the best you can all the time and being ok with yourself when you are not.  All doesn't have to be perfection, and I am not going to strive for perfection. Hell in baseball you can get into the hall of fame if you get a hit 40% of the time, I certainly can eat right better than percentage. I can be all, I just have to figure out what that all needs to be. A set of rules that I can make work. I can do it.

-Jon