Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minutes in the pool, 30 minute walk, mowing the lawn, and riding on the bike to park with the kid in the trailer.
I think I over did it. It is 8:30 and I am dragging ass really bad right now. I think for this reason more than any other I am looking forward to starting in on real food. No more crashes like this. I probaly should add a shake in today but it is already so late in the day that I don't want to eat again.
With that in mind, I have decided that no matter what weight I get to, I start to transition next week after class. So my first real food will be Friday June 7th for dinner. It is going to be chicken on a bed of greens. The hard part starts in just under a week. I have never been this nervous about eating in my life. I have to learn all over again how to eat. I have to teach myself to eat foods I have never eaten before. I watched online how to cook fish; something I have never done.
It all feels a bit overwhelming at this point, but I have confidence. I have a plan, and I have a goal. I am going to keep to the plan the same as I have in the past. I am going to keep working on my goals. I can find a way to stay healthy for the rest of my life- I CAN DO THIS!
-Jon
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
6 more pounds (day 104 and 105)
Key Stats: 4 shakes and 1 bar each day, no off eating. 30 minutes walking, 30 minutes on the exercise bike each day.
Well I am back home. Sorry for not writing yesterday, but being on the road takes me out of my routine and I forgot to write. All is good though- I stayed on routine for food.
I lost 6 pounds last week. That takes me within 9 pounds of my transition goal weight. That really means that I think this will be my last week on full VLCD. I have the materials for transition and I am really looking forward to starting that.
With that in mind- I need food cooking ideas. Please if you are reading this post some healthy recipes that you know about. Or link me to some websites with good ideas. The first week of transition is one meal per day of 4oz of lean protein and 2 cups of non-starchy vegetables. In the first week I can't add much to the food in the way of seasonings, but I'll listen to ideas. As the weeks go in for transition I get to add more stuff slowly. It is a 5 week process, and it is important to go slow with it for 2 reasons. 1.) My digestive system has not had much to do for the past 105 days 2.) Putting myself onto the slippery slope of food slowly.
I look forward to hopefully reading some ideas from people that I can incorporate into my diet. One more week of shakes and bars then I start easing back into the real world. I can do it.
-Jon
Well I am back home. Sorry for not writing yesterday, but being on the road takes me out of my routine and I forgot to write. All is good though- I stayed on routine for food.
I lost 6 pounds last week. That takes me within 9 pounds of my transition goal weight. That really means that I think this will be my last week on full VLCD. I have the materials for transition and I am really looking forward to starting that.
With that in mind- I need food cooking ideas. Please if you are reading this post some healthy recipes that you know about. Or link me to some websites with good ideas. The first week of transition is one meal per day of 4oz of lean protein and 2 cups of non-starchy vegetables. In the first week I can't add much to the food in the way of seasonings, but I'll listen to ideas. As the weeks go in for transition I get to add more stuff slowly. It is a 5 week process, and it is important to go slow with it for 2 reasons. 1.) My digestive system has not had much to do for the past 105 days 2.) Putting myself onto the slippery slope of food slowly.
I look forward to hopefully reading some ideas from people that I can incorporate into my diet. One more week of shakes and bars then I start easing back into the real world. I can do it.
-Jon
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
On the road again (day 103)
Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar no off eating. 30 minute walk, 30 minute bike ride.
Wow, food food food. Free food, good food, desert food. All for the taking, all things I would have indulged in 104 days ago. All things that I need to learn how to eat like a normal person. But all things I am avoiding for now. I still have too much to learn, and too far to go.
On Thursday I start my appointments with the dietitian. This is really the part I have been looking forward to for awhile. I need to learn food again, and learn from scratch. The biggest part in learning is to know what you don't know. How strange it is to think back to before this program, I would not take an appointment with a dietitian because "I know how to eat, I just don't bother to do it, they have nothing to teach me." With the little bit we have talked about food so far in class I know for sure that I am wrong about that. I really know nothing about how to eat and what things I should eat to feed myself in a healthy way. I have to learn, I have to get good at that- I can do it.
-Jon
Wow, food food food. Free food, good food, desert food. All for the taking, all things I would have indulged in 104 days ago. All things that I need to learn how to eat like a normal person. But all things I am avoiding for now. I still have too much to learn, and too far to go.
On Thursday I start my appointments with the dietitian. This is really the part I have been looking forward to for awhile. I need to learn food again, and learn from scratch. The biggest part in learning is to know what you don't know. How strange it is to think back to before this program, I would not take an appointment with a dietitian because "I know how to eat, I just don't bother to do it, they have nothing to teach me." With the little bit we have talked about food so far in class I know for sure that I am wrong about that. I really know nothing about how to eat and what things I should eat to feed myself in a healthy way. I have to learn, I have to get good at that- I can do it.
-Jon
Monday, May 27, 2013
Memorial Day (day 102)
Key Stats: 4 shakes 1 bar, no off eating. 60 minutes on the bike, and a TON of walking around.
Today is memorial day. I didn't grill out, I didn't do any of the things most people would consider normal memorial day things. I did the same thing we do every memorial day- I spent time with my family and remembered members of my family who are not with us. You see memorial day has taken on a whole new meaning for my family, and since I am also a veteran I get to change the meaning of this holiday if I want to. Confused yet? Well here is a post from another blog I wrote some time ago that explains what I mean. In honor of my family this will be my memorial blog post today.
From "My Story" at http://choosydadschooseskippy.blogspot.com/
I guess it all starts at age 2 for me. That is how old I was when my father left, and that is the start of molding me into the man I have become today. As I look back on it not having a father has made me into the father that I am today.
I met my wife while on leave from the Coast Guard. I was at a friends wedding and she was a guest of another friend of mine. That night started a wonderful relationship, from our first date which was 27 hours long, to our crazy long phone calls, we "hit it off" from the start. That is why after only 5 months of dating, even though I was in Florida and she was in Wisconsin I asked her to marry me. 4 months later we were married.
We decided to wait at least 2 years before we would talk about having children. That way we would have time to just be a couple. After the 2 years we knew we wanted to have kids. It took another year or so to get my wife's diabetes under control enough to start trying. Pregnancy did not come easy. I never missed an appointment with the doctors. There was nothing that I could do to help and I felt it was my duty to be there to hold my wife's hand and make sure she didn't have to go through any of it alone. I swear I could run the ultra-sound machine and measure the follicles myself. With the help of the fertility clinic we did finally get pregnant.
I danced when I saw the positive test. I was so happy, not just because of what it meant for me, but also for what it meant to my wife. We had worked so hard to get pregnant. I had always watched my wife struggle with blaming her body for failing us, and tried everything I could to encourage her, and now her body had worked. We were pregnant.
We conceived four.
Being pregnant with four is not easy, even more so if you are type 1 diabetic. I went minivan shopping. I have a standing agreement with a high school friend that if he ever sees me owning a minivan he is honor bound to shot me on the spot. However four did not last, after a short time we were only pregnant with two. Twins are not normally considered high risk, but with diabetes in the mix we where high risk from the start.
The pregnancy was not easy, my wife had "morning" sickness all day. There was a time when the only food she would eat was Campbell's Chunky Soup Sirloin Burger. One day I went to get more at the store. My heart sank when I got to the aisle and I saw they had none. I was going to go home with no soup for my wife to eat. I think the stock boy might still tell the story of the large man who yelled out "YES, THANK GOD" when I saw he had a case of the soup on his cart. I was not going to go home empty handed.
We made it past 12 weeks, the only thing I knew was that we were ok now.
We went in on a Tuesday morning. I never missed an appointment, or an unplanned trip. My wife had not been feeling good, and found something not normal while using the bathroom. I figured we would get checked out, find out everything was ok and then go home. We did a non-stress test, and then was going to have a quick cervix check. I will always dislike the doctor who did that check. She did nothing wrong, but she told me the worst news I have ever been told.
After that it was up to a hospital room to wait. One day with no infection was the goal. The next morning we had a whole team of doctors and nurses come into the room. I didn't want to get in the way so into the corner I went. After the news that we would likely not be pregnant by the weekend was delivered I could not hold back the tears. I am not sure if my wife cried, but in front of a room of strangers I lost it and broke down. We where 17 weeks pregnant, and my children had no hope of survival. I have never felt weaker.
The day my first-born son and first born daughter, Oscar and Bella, were born changed me forever. I became a softer person that day.
That day I yelled at a doctor, cried my eyes out, made jokes, smiled, and felt my heart melt. How anyone can look at the pictures of my children and not see beautiful human beings I will never be able to understand. Looking back at the pictures has helped me in ways I can never explain. The time I got to spend with my children was so short, but we have memories that will last forever.
The next day I lost the car. I walked the entire parking ramp 3 times, horrified the entire time that my wife was sitting in a wheel chair holding Oscar Bear and Bella Bear waiting for me. She should have been holding our twins.
I don't really remember much of the next few days, weeks, and months. I went back to work too soon, and was worthless at work for quite a while. I remember breaking down on the stairs of our house about a month afterwards, the first time I had really cried since the day Oscar and Bella were born.
After about 4 months we decided to get pregnant again. I wanted to say it was a hard decision, but honestly it was an easy one now that I look back on it. I had gotten to the point were my want to have children here with me on earth was greater than my fear of another loss. I also knew that my fear was never going to be less than it was. To this day pregnancy equals fear, and I think it always will.
We got pregnant on our first cycle of infertility treatments. Again I never missed an appointment.
We conceived twins, twins again.
It was supposed to be only one. My wife bonded to the idea of twins much faster than I did. I have struggled with that possibly more than anything. She had a love for both of them that I just did not have right away. I was certainly excited to be pregnant again but I think I was too scared to bond like she did. That love did come, even if it was after it should have. We nick named the kids Dot and Tittle. Tittle, our little hummingbird, is sneaky though, and early on we lost him. I was scared that we would soon lose Dot.
The pregnancy was not easy again. Trips to the ER, and labor and delivery, while not frequent, happened more than either of us wanted. In the end my fourth child was born, alive, and healthy. He peed on me in his first minutes of life and I could not have been happier.
So here I am today. It has been over 2 years since Oscar and Bella were born and died. This January will be 2 years since Tittle died. We see our children everywhere. From giraffes and hummingbirds to stars and hearts they show themselves to us. My wife and I are active in a grief group where once a month one of us gets to represent the kids everyone else forgets about. We take turns getting the honor of doing that. We talk about our kids, all of them, whenever we get the chance. Every night we read to my son Gus, and tell him "Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, Oscar loves you, Bella loves you, Tittle loves you, We all love you"
I am the proud father of 4 children. I swore a long time ago that I would be the father I never had. I will never forget about my children (all four of them), or leave my children like my father did.
Jon
-Father of 4: Oscar, Bella, Tittle, and Gus
Today is memorial day. I didn't grill out, I didn't do any of the things most people would consider normal memorial day things. I did the same thing we do every memorial day- I spent time with my family and remembered members of my family who are not with us. You see memorial day has taken on a whole new meaning for my family, and since I am also a veteran I get to change the meaning of this holiday if I want to. Confused yet? Well here is a post from another blog I wrote some time ago that explains what I mean. In honor of my family this will be my memorial blog post today.
From "My Story" at http://choosydadschooseskippy.blogspot.com/
I guess it all starts at age 2 for me. That is how old I was when my father left, and that is the start of molding me into the man I have become today. As I look back on it not having a father has made me into the father that I am today.
I met my wife while on leave from the Coast Guard. I was at a friends wedding and she was a guest of another friend of mine. That night started a wonderful relationship, from our first date which was 27 hours long, to our crazy long phone calls, we "hit it off" from the start. That is why after only 5 months of dating, even though I was in Florida and she was in Wisconsin I asked her to marry me. 4 months later we were married.
We decided to wait at least 2 years before we would talk about having children. That way we would have time to just be a couple. After the 2 years we knew we wanted to have kids. It took another year or so to get my wife's diabetes under control enough to start trying. Pregnancy did not come easy. I never missed an appointment with the doctors. There was nothing that I could do to help and I felt it was my duty to be there to hold my wife's hand and make sure she didn't have to go through any of it alone. I swear I could run the ultra-sound machine and measure the follicles myself. With the help of the fertility clinic we did finally get pregnant.
I danced when I saw the positive test. I was so happy, not just because of what it meant for me, but also for what it meant to my wife. We had worked so hard to get pregnant. I had always watched my wife struggle with blaming her body for failing us, and tried everything I could to encourage her, and now her body had worked. We were pregnant.
We conceived four.
Being pregnant with four is not easy, even more so if you are type 1 diabetic. I went minivan shopping. I have a standing agreement with a high school friend that if he ever sees me owning a minivan he is honor bound to shot me on the spot. However four did not last, after a short time we were only pregnant with two. Twins are not normally considered high risk, but with diabetes in the mix we where high risk from the start.
The pregnancy was not easy, my wife had "morning" sickness all day. There was a time when the only food she would eat was Campbell's Chunky Soup Sirloin Burger. One day I went to get more at the store. My heart sank when I got to the aisle and I saw they had none. I was going to go home with no soup for my wife to eat. I think the stock boy might still tell the story of the large man who yelled out "YES, THANK GOD" when I saw he had a case of the soup on his cart. I was not going to go home empty handed.
We made it past 12 weeks, the only thing I knew was that we were ok now.
We went in on a Tuesday morning. I never missed an appointment, or an unplanned trip. My wife had not been feeling good, and found something not normal while using the bathroom. I figured we would get checked out, find out everything was ok and then go home. We did a non-stress test, and then was going to have a quick cervix check. I will always dislike the doctor who did that check. She did nothing wrong, but she told me the worst news I have ever been told.
After that it was up to a hospital room to wait. One day with no infection was the goal. The next morning we had a whole team of doctors and nurses come into the room. I didn't want to get in the way so into the corner I went. After the news that we would likely not be pregnant by the weekend was delivered I could not hold back the tears. I am not sure if my wife cried, but in front of a room of strangers I lost it and broke down. We where 17 weeks pregnant, and my children had no hope of survival. I have never felt weaker.
The day my first-born son and first born daughter, Oscar and Bella, were born changed me forever. I became a softer person that day.
That day I yelled at a doctor, cried my eyes out, made jokes, smiled, and felt my heart melt. How anyone can look at the pictures of my children and not see beautiful human beings I will never be able to understand. Looking back at the pictures has helped me in ways I can never explain. The time I got to spend with my children was so short, but we have memories that will last forever.
The next day I lost the car. I walked the entire parking ramp 3 times, horrified the entire time that my wife was sitting in a wheel chair holding Oscar Bear and Bella Bear waiting for me. She should have been holding our twins.
I don't really remember much of the next few days, weeks, and months. I went back to work too soon, and was worthless at work for quite a while. I remember breaking down on the stairs of our house about a month afterwards, the first time I had really cried since the day Oscar and Bella were born.
After about 4 months we decided to get pregnant again. I wanted to say it was a hard decision, but honestly it was an easy one now that I look back on it. I had gotten to the point were my want to have children here with me on earth was greater than my fear of another loss. I also knew that my fear was never going to be less than it was. To this day pregnancy equals fear, and I think it always will.
We got pregnant on our first cycle of infertility treatments. Again I never missed an appointment.
We conceived twins, twins again.
It was supposed to be only one. My wife bonded to the idea of twins much faster than I did. I have struggled with that possibly more than anything. She had a love for both of them that I just did not have right away. I was certainly excited to be pregnant again but I think I was too scared to bond like she did. That love did come, even if it was after it should have. We nick named the kids Dot and Tittle. Tittle, our little hummingbird, is sneaky though, and early on we lost him. I was scared that we would soon lose Dot.
The pregnancy was not easy again. Trips to the ER, and labor and delivery, while not frequent, happened more than either of us wanted. In the end my fourth child was born, alive, and healthy. He peed on me in his first minutes of life and I could not have been happier.
So here I am today. It has been over 2 years since Oscar and Bella were born and died. This January will be 2 years since Tittle died. We see our children everywhere. From giraffes and hummingbirds to stars and hearts they show themselves to us. My wife and I are active in a grief group where once a month one of us gets to represent the kids everyone else forgets about. We take turns getting the honor of doing that. We talk about our kids, all of them, whenever we get the chance. Every night we read to my son Gus, and tell him "Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, Oscar loves you, Bella loves you, Tittle loves you, We all love you"
I am the proud father of 4 children. I swore a long time ago that I would be the father I never had. I will never forget about my children (all four of them), or leave my children like my father did.
Jon
-Father of 4: Oscar, Bella, Tittle, and Gus
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Not being a fat dad (day 101)
Key Stats: 4 shakes, 1 bar no off eating. 60 minute bike ride.
Today I went to see my mom for lunch. Now I am not going to sit here and blame others for what I had control of myself, but to say me being fat had nothing to do with her would be lying. Again I was an adult, and in control of my food for longer than that and could have done something about it, so it is not her fault, but she had a part in it. It was amazing to watch her bad habits and how easy she tried to pass them onto my son. I had to stop her a number of times and also explain to her what we are doing differently.
I guess that is one of the big reason why I decided it was time to lose weight- I don't want my son to learn fat from me. I watched him look at me and repeat what I was doing in so many different areas. I don't want him to grow up having to feel like I felt being the fat kid. I don't want him to know the sadness of being picked on for eating the only way you know how to eat, and not even knowing how or what to change.
I am happy that I made these changes while he is still so little. He will never remember a fat dad. Some day we will be looking at pictures from when he was born, and before he was born and he will wonder how his dad could have ever looked like that. He will know his dad as a healthy active father. He will know his dad as the man that teaches him to be healthy and active. He will grow up- and know his dad. If for no other reason than that last sentence I know that I can do this.
-Jon
Today I went to see my mom for lunch. Now I am not going to sit here and blame others for what I had control of myself, but to say me being fat had nothing to do with her would be lying. Again I was an adult, and in control of my food for longer than that and could have done something about it, so it is not her fault, but she had a part in it. It was amazing to watch her bad habits and how easy she tried to pass them onto my son. I had to stop her a number of times and also explain to her what we are doing differently.
I guess that is one of the big reason why I decided it was time to lose weight- I don't want my son to learn fat from me. I watched him look at me and repeat what I was doing in so many different areas. I don't want him to grow up having to feel like I felt being the fat kid. I don't want him to know the sadness of being picked on for eating the only way you know how to eat, and not even knowing how or what to change.
I am happy that I made these changes while he is still so little. He will never remember a fat dad. Some day we will be looking at pictures from when he was born, and before he was born and he will wonder how his dad could have ever looked like that. He will know his dad as a healthy active father. He will know his dad as the man that teaches him to be healthy and active. He will grow up- and know his dad. If for no other reason than that last sentence I know that I can do this.
-Jon
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Day 100!
Today is day 100. Lets cover how far I have come.
My starting weight for this program was 324 pounds. On the official scale I am now at 235. That is 89 pounds in less than 100 days (since the official weight is from Thursday night). Fairly amazing if you ask me.
I am an active person now. I exercise nearly every day, at least an hour and I love it. I love the feeling of getting out on my bike. I love pulling laps in the pool. I love my daily walks. I have never in my life enjoyed exercise, and now I love it.
Today I tried on clothes since I thought after 100 days it would be great to know what size I was at. 100 days ago I wore size XXXL shirts. In many brands I needed to get XXXLT just to keep the shirt from pulling up and showing my stomach. My pants were size 44/30, and I wore the waist below my stomach. I did this so that I could feel like I wasn't that large (heck 44 waist is bad, but not horrible) and I would never tuck my shirt in anyways since I was so self conscious about how I looked with such a large stomach. Today is an entirely different story. I tried on size 34/40 pants that fit great. And for my shirt, size Medium fit. MEDIUM! I am not sure, but I bet you have to go back to middle school to find a time when Medium fit me. So that is 10 inches off the pants- and more if I knew how large it was where I wear my pants now. And 4 shirt sizes smaller. Amazing.
Health wise the story gets even better. My blood pressure is much better. I don't need to take any medication for Type II diabetes any more- and my last A1c drawn on Tuesday last week was a 5.0. A 5.0 on A1c is about as normal of a reading as you can possibly get.
Food habits have been reset. If I go back to eating crap food I would have to go out of my way to do it. Right now on TV is a show about BBQ grilling. That should make me want BBQ right? Well I don't. Seeing food like this on TV used to make me want it, and now it doesn't. Right now I am craving a salad. I have never in my life eaten a salad. Just let that sink in- 32 years old and I have never eaten a salad. I am looking forward to eating a salad so bad it is really the only thing that I think I might fail on and eat off with. And I would only do that because as long as I put the right veggies on it, and used the right dressing it would technically fit with the plan. A salad will be the first food I eat when I start my transition, and I am still surprised how much i want one.
So there it is 100 days in a row. That means 400 shakes, and 100 bars. At 750 calories a day I have taken in 75,000 calories. I wish I knew how much time the old me needed to take in 75,000 calories. I will never go back to the old ways, and become the old me. I like this new me too much. I can do this.
-Jon
My starting weight for this program was 324 pounds. On the official scale I am now at 235. That is 89 pounds in less than 100 days (since the official weight is from Thursday night). Fairly amazing if you ask me.
I am an active person now. I exercise nearly every day, at least an hour and I love it. I love the feeling of getting out on my bike. I love pulling laps in the pool. I love my daily walks. I have never in my life enjoyed exercise, and now I love it.
Today I tried on clothes since I thought after 100 days it would be great to know what size I was at. 100 days ago I wore size XXXL shirts. In many brands I needed to get XXXLT just to keep the shirt from pulling up and showing my stomach. My pants were size 44/30, and I wore the waist below my stomach. I did this so that I could feel like I wasn't that large (heck 44 waist is bad, but not horrible) and I would never tuck my shirt in anyways since I was so self conscious about how I looked with such a large stomach. Today is an entirely different story. I tried on size 34/40 pants that fit great. And for my shirt, size Medium fit. MEDIUM! I am not sure, but I bet you have to go back to middle school to find a time when Medium fit me. So that is 10 inches off the pants- and more if I knew how large it was where I wear my pants now. And 4 shirt sizes smaller. Amazing.
Health wise the story gets even better. My blood pressure is much better. I don't need to take any medication for Type II diabetes any more- and my last A1c drawn on Tuesday last week was a 5.0. A 5.0 on A1c is about as normal of a reading as you can possibly get.
Food habits have been reset. If I go back to eating crap food I would have to go out of my way to do it. Right now on TV is a show about BBQ grilling. That should make me want BBQ right? Well I don't. Seeing food like this on TV used to make me want it, and now it doesn't. Right now I am craving a salad. I have never in my life eaten a salad. Just let that sink in- 32 years old and I have never eaten a salad. I am looking forward to eating a salad so bad it is really the only thing that I think I might fail on and eat off with. And I would only do that because as long as I put the right veggies on it, and used the right dressing it would technically fit with the plan. A salad will be the first food I eat when I start my transition, and I am still surprised how much i want one.
So there it is 100 days in a row. That means 400 shakes, and 100 bars. At 750 calories a day I have taken in 75,000 calories. I wish I knew how much time the old me needed to take in 75,000 calories. I will never go back to the old ways, and become the old me. I like this new me too much. I can do this.
-Jon
Friday, May 24, 2013
Back at it (day 99)
Key Stats: 4 shakes 2 bar, no off eating. 30 minute bike ride, 35 minute walk, and a ton of yard work.
Today I felt good for the first time in nearly a week. I think part of that is feeling better physically, the other part is I said I was going to exercise no matter what. And I did exercise, I don't know what made me feel better but I am sure it is a combination of both of them.
Tomorrow is day 100. I am going to have to come up with something special tomorrow. With that in mind I am going to keep today short. Tune in tomorrow for my special 100 days post- maybe 100 days of I can do it.
-Jon
Today I felt good for the first time in nearly a week. I think part of that is feeling better physically, the other part is I said I was going to exercise no matter what. And I did exercise, I don't know what made me feel better but I am sure it is a combination of both of them.
Tomorrow is day 100. I am going to have to come up with something special tomorrow. With that in mind I am going to keep today short. Tune in tomorrow for my special 100 days post- maybe 100 days of I can do it.
-Jon
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